"Well, isn't it strange. I can hardly talk to you. I'm not used to us
yet. This way. I've loved you since I first saw you. But I've told so
many lies about that to both of us...." He paused to smile at her as if
asking her not to believe him a liar, or if she must--a liar in a high
cause--"that the things I want to say now seem like ... like the
contradictions of something. Of old lies ... in a way."
She nodded.
"Oh, I know," she whispered. A preposterous admiration of her
intelligence overcame him. Of course she understood! It was unnecessary
to talk to her. She had kissed and embraced him. She had felt the same
things he had. And now, their thoughts were alike. They were like one
person, having shared something that filled them. It was unnecessary to
talk. Because if he remained silent she knew he was thinking of her. A
charming sense of comradeship came to him.
"I feel," he said, "as if we were too intimate for words."
She nodded again and smiled.
"We'll make a holiday," he added. "Come, we'll go for a drive."
They embraced. This time he thought of Henrietta. Ruth was different
from his wife. Her shoulder blades felt different under his fingers. It
was impossible to think they were both women. His arms around Henrietta
meant nothing. His arms around Ruth now--he closed his eyes in order to
closet himself with indefinable sensations.
They emerged from the traffic of the loop. Basine at the wheel of his
newly purchased roadster dropped a hand on hers.
"I feel better like this," he said.
"Isn't it wonderful," she whispered.
He would have liked to tell her they were floating over buildings. But
he kept silent. Words were still self-conscious interlopers. The houses
moved away. A spring wind was in their faces. They were silent. The
pavements ended. Basine brought the car to a stop.
"I don't know what to do," he said. "I'm so happy."
He placed his arms around her. The touch of her body through his clothes
was a reminder of something. He gave it no words. They sat embraced,
their faces together and an unspoken laugh in their hearts. The sun was
high overhead. Basine tried to remember himself ... Henrietta, his home,
his position. Ah, banalities. He was proud. He was above remorse,
regret; above himself. There was nothing in the world as beautiful as
the moment he commanded.
Ruth leaned avidly against him as if seeking refuge in his arms. He sat
thinking. "It is right. Everything right. I've done nothing. No
compromise. Nothing. I'm happy. There's nothing to frighten me."
He felt released.
17
Summer lay like a Mandarin coat over the city. It was June. Warm,
sun-awninged streets glistened with ornamental colors. Women in gaudy
fabrics, men in violent hat bands, straws, panamas, striped shirts, sun
parasols like huge discs of confetti, freshly painted red and green
street cars, pastel tinted automobiles--all these tumbled like a swarm
of sprightly incoherent adjectives along the foot of the buildings.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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