She was unable to see the man for an instant. Her mind had darkened. "I
mustn't faint," she murmured to herself. She was looking at an unshaven,
dissipated face that smiled. As she looked her world seemed to be
falling down. Everything gone--ruined. Because a face was smiling. Tom
Ramsey. The man's name popped into her thought.
"Hello," she muttered.
Schroder approached and frowned. He took her arm and led her away. She
began to cry in the cab.
"He saw us. He knows. He'll tell everybody. Oh my God! Why did you come
up when you saw him? If you'd only realized. Oh, why did I do it? Now
everything's ruined. I'm lost."
She wept, knowing the futility of tears. An accident that seemed
provokingly unreal and soothingly unimportant--Tom Ramsey. Yet the name
was like a guillotine block on which her head lay stretched.
Schroder, annoyed, tried to console her.
"Who was it? Listen, pull yourself together. People always imagine
themselves guiltier looking than they are. He probably thought nothing
wrong."
"Tom Ramsey. Didn't you see how he looked at me? Oh, God, I'm sick."
"Who is he?"
"He used to be my mother's friend. But he went to the dogs. He's just a
tramp now. He isn't a gentleman."
Schroder sighed.
"Oh well," he said, "there's no use worrying. Come, put it out of your
head."
"I can't. Oh, I can't. Why did I do it. I'll kill myself if ... if
anything happens. Aubrey will.... Oh Paul, I feel sick."
He stared glumly at the back of the chauffeur's head. A nuisance. A
damned nuisance. His mind played with contrasts. A few hours ago she had
been shameless. Now she sat weeping. He thought of her as ungrateful and
grew angry.
"I'll step out now," he whispered. "Call me up tomorrow at the office,
will you? Nothing will happen. Please, be calm. It's all imagination."
He halted the cab and stepped out with the suitcase. She would feel
better, he knew, as soon as he disappeared. She would be able to
convince herself then that nothing had happened--that she was coming
home from a shopping tour.
"Good-bye. Call me up, dearest."
Fanny sat weeping as the cab moved away. Ramsey had seen her. A misery
too heavy for thought brought another burst of tears. She hated
Schroder. And herself, too. But most of all the ragged looking, unshaven
Ramsey in the lobby. Why had he come at just that moment? If they had
left the room ten minutes earlier. It was Paul's fault. He insisted on
combing his hair, and reading a story in the newspaper. If he hadn't
sent down for the newspaper in the middle of the afternoon. He didn't
love her or he wouldn't have thought of sending for it. She had laughed
at the time but it was an insult. He was a brute. If he had loved her he
wouldn't have wanted to read a newspaper and they wouldn't have met
Ramsey. She sat conjuring up dozens of trifling incidents which, had
they occurred, would have prevented the fatal meeting with Ramsey.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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