"We are confused. We have disappeared. Our activities have devoured us.
But we are not afraid. For behold, whatever we do, we remain God. See
our reflection. We are always and consistently perfect. Our stupidities,
hysterias, bewilderments shine back at us out of this new Heaven as
God-like attributes. Wisdom and victory smile at us eternally out of our
mirror. Let the city devour itself and become a jungle of names. Let
life lose itself in the labyrinth of activities. Let the buildings
devour life until it becomes less than a tiny warmth under huge ribs of
steel. These things are no longer insupportable. There is an answer
always to 'Who are we and what are we?' We are God. By worshipping
ourselves we may now dispel the dawning knowledge of our insufficiency.
The old God is dead. He was an illusion. The new God alone now has the
power to punish and reward. We will kneel with fanatical servitude
before the image of our virtues and punish ourselves with a terrible
justice in order to appear God-like in our own eyes."
Slowly the new heaven above the city grows and the vanished ones with
the eyes of Narcissus stare enchanted into its quicksilver depths.
12
In the days that followed her walk with Lindstrum in the park, Doris
Basine abandoned herself to her passion for the man. Her body desired
him. She dreamed of their coming together as of some transcendental
climax.
But the months passed and Lindstrum held himself aloof. She felt certain
of herself though. It was only necessary to wait. She could go on
dreaming of him and waiting too. To think of him, to remember he was
alive, this for the time was happiness enough.
After a number of months they saw each other oftener. He seemed to grow
more dependent on the fanatical admiration of her eyes and words. Her
flattery stirred an excitement in him that he was learning to utilize in
writing. The fact that he was loved made it easier to write. The memory
of the things she said, of the desire in her eyes was like music. It was
easier to write with music playing in his head. But the more he wrote
and dreamed of writing the less he desired her. So her passion became an
applause urging him from her.
He would listen trembling to her gradually shameless avowals.
"You're so wonderful. So remarkable. You're the only man in the world
that's alive. Your genius is something I can't even talk about. It must
be worshipped. I love you."
In the midst of such monologues she would suddenly vanish from
Lindstrum's thought. Her beauty and desire were powerless to hold his
attention. Her enfevered praise would become a lash that drove him into
himself. And, trembling with a passion that her love had aroused, he
would leave her. But it would be a passion which demanded possession not
of her but of himself.
He would walk excitedly to his room over his father's shop and sit down
to write.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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