General Bounce; Or, The Lady and the LocustsWhyte-Melville, G. J. (George John)
General
General Bounce; Or, The Lady and the Locusts
Whyte-Melville, G. J. (George John)
England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Now old Bounce, albeit a gentleman of extremely punctual habits, as is
often the case with those who have nothing to do, and, moreover, a man
of healthy appetite and a strong regard for the dinner-hour, had never
before betrayed such a morbid anxiety to get home and dress as on the
occasion in question. The fact is, he, too, was restless and excited,
although the sensation had its own peculiar charms for the veteran,
who entertained at sixty a spice of that romance which is often
erroneously considered peculiar to sixteen. Yes, “the boy with the
bow” no more disdained to take a shot at Bounce than at Falstaff, and
our old friend was even now balancing on the brink of that eventful
plunge which, if not made before “the grand climacteric,” it is
generally thought advisable to postpone _sine die_. Mary Delaval had
made an unconscious conquest. The feeling had been gradually but
surely developed, and the constant presence of such a woman had been
too much, even for a heart hardened by more than forty years of
soldiering, baked by an Indian sun, and further defended by triple
plies of flannel, worn for chronic rheumatism, and usually esteemed as
effective a rampart against the assaults of love as the “æs triplex”
of Horace itself. First the General thought, “This Mrs. Delaval was a
very nice creature. Zounds! it’s lucky for her I’m not a younger man!”
then he arrived at “_Beautiful_ woman, begad. _Zounds!_ it’s lucky for
_me_ she’s not half aware of her attractions!” and from that the
transition was easy and natural to “Sensible person; such manners,
such dignity; fit for any position in the world. Zounds! I’ll make her
Mrs. Bounce--do as I like--my own commanding-officer, nobody else to
consult--of course _she_ won’t throw such a chance away.” This latter
consideration, however, although he repeated it to himself twenty
times a day, had hitherto prevented the General from making any
decided attack. When a man, even an old one, _really_ cares for a
woman, he is always somewhat diffident of success, and Mary’s
sexagenarian suitor, though bold as brass in theory, was like any
other lover in practice. But the breakfast at the barracks had
wonderfully encouraged the General. He found Mrs. Delaval constantly
at his side. He knew nothing of her previous acquaintance with
D’Orville, still less could he guess at the secret which lay buried in
her heart, and which was fading her beauty and deepening her
expression day by day. How could he tell whose tears they were that
blistered the newspaper on that “African Mail” column?--so the natural
conclusion at which he arrived was, that the same charms which had
done such execution in India, and had driven the Cheltenham widow to
the verge of despair, were again at their old tricks; and that, having
succeeded in attaching the most adorable of her sex, it only remained
for him, in common humanity, to present her with all that was left of
his fascinating self. And now began in earnest the General’s qualms
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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