General Bounce; Or, The Lady and the LocustsWhyte-Melville, G. J. (George John)
General
General Bounce; Or, The Lady and the Locusts
Whyte-Melville, G. J. (George John)
England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“No going abroad this year, my dear,” said the General, looking the
while less warlike than usual; “glad of it--what? A German
watering-place--bah! an association of blackguards in an overgrown
village, robbing the public to soft music in the open air. No, my
dear, we’ll get to Newton-Hollows before the strawberries are
done--and I’m glad of it. We’ll let this great house--you’re tired of
it, Blanche, and so am I; what’s the use of a house all up and
down-stairs? You should have seen my bungalow at Simlah--a man could
get about in that and hear himself speak. Well, we’ll put down two of
the carriages and one of the footmen--that pompous one. Zounds, if he
had stayed a week longer I must have bastinadoed him--and we’ll start
Poulard: confound him, he never gives one a dinner fit to eat, and
wouldn’t dress a cutlet for Mrs. Delaval, only the day before
yesterday, because we dined out--I’ll trounce him before he goes.
Then, my dear, we’ll keep your scrubby pony for the little carriage,
and ‘Water King’ can go down home with the others, and you’ll ride a
deal more there than in London, Blanche. Manage? I’ll manage--how d’ye
mean? I’m only a steward till Charlie comes back. I must write to
Charlie by this mail, and we’ll have him safe and sound from the
Kaffirs--and rejoicings when he comes home, and a--who knows
what?”--(Mary Delaval got up at this juncture, went to fetch her work,
and sat majestically down to it, as the General went on.)--“Yes, we’ll
make it all right when Charlie comes back. Let me see, we ought to
have a mail to-day. Zounds, these servants they read all the
news--money market, foreign intelligence, every one of their own
cursed advertisements for places they won’t keep six months--and then,
if I ask whether the paper’s come, ‘Please, sir, it’s not ironed.’
Ironed! ’Gad, I’ll iron them--wish I’d my Kitmugar here--bamboozle
them well on the soles of their feet--there’s no liberty in this
country. Blanche, ring the bell, there’s a dear--oh, here it comes;”
and the General’s further strictures were cut short by the entrance of
his old, pompous servant, who laid the paper out for his master’s
perusal with a strange air of mingled pity and concern. The General
put on his spectacles, deliberately unfolded the sheet, and after a
glance at the money market, in which consols had, as usual, fluctuated
the fraction of a fraction, he turned to the well-known column in
which the budget of the African mail was likely to be detailed;
Blanche leaning over his shoulder the while, and Mary watching them
with an eager glance that seemed almost prescient of evil.
Suddenly the General’s face flushed up to a purple hue. “Engagement
with the Kaffirs,” he muttered; “gallant repulse of the
enemy--capture--loss--strong position--brilliant success of the Light
Brigade--O my boy! my boy!” And, forgetful of all around, the old man
leaned his head upon the table and gave way to a passion of grief that
was frightful to contemplate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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