General Bounce; Or, The Lady and the LocustsWhyte-Melville, G. J. (George John)
General
General Bounce; Or, The Lady and the Locusts
Whyte-Melville, G. J. (George John)
England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
hunting country; and his dinners, his Indian dishes, his hot pickles,
his dry champagne, his wonderful claret (“not a headache in a
hogshead, sir,” the General would say, with a frown of defiance), were
all in keeping with the snug, comfortable appearance of his dwelling,
and the luxurious style which men who have served long in the army,
and often been obliged to “rough it,” know so well how to enjoy. Then
there was no pretension about the thing whatever. The house, though it
ranged over a considerable extent of ground, particularly towards the
offices, was only two storeys high--“a mere cottage,” its owner called
it; but a cottage in which the apartments were all roomy and
well-proportioned, in which enough “married couples could be put up”
to furnish a very good-sized dinner-table, and the bachelors (we like
to put in a word for our fellow-sufferers) were as comfortably
accommodated as their more fortunate associates, who travelled with
wives, imperials, cap-boxes, and ladies’-maids.
It is a bad plan to accustom unmarried gentlemen to think they can do
without their comforts; it makes them hardy and independent, and
altogether averse to the coddling and care and confinement with which
they expect to find matrimony abound. As we go through the world, in
our desolate celibacy, we see the net spread in sight of many a bird,
and we generally remark, that the meshes which most surely entangle
the game are those of self-indulgence and self-applause. You _must_
gild the wires, and pop a lump of sugar between them too, if you would
have the captive flutter willingly into the cage. When young Coelebs
comes home from hunting or shooting, and has to divest himself of his
clammy leathers or dirt-encumbered gaiters in a room without a fire
and with a cracked pane in the window, he takes no pleasure in his
adornment, but hurries over his toilet, or perhaps begins to smoke.
This should be avoided: we have known a quiet cigar do away with the
whole effect of a bran-new pink bonnet. But if, on the contrary, he
finds a warm, luxurious room, plenty of hot water, wax candles on the
dressing-table, and a becoming looking-glass, the quarry lingers over
the tie of its neckcloth with a pleasing conviction that that is not
half a bad-looking fellow grinning opposite, and moreover that there
is a “deuced _lovable_ girl” down-stairs, who seems to be of the same
opinion. So the thing works: vows are exchanged, _trousseaux_ got
ready, settlements drawn out, the lawyers thrive, and fools are
multiplied. Had Newton-Hollows belonged to a designing matron, instead
of an unmarried general officer, it might have become a perfect mart
for the exchanges of beauty and valour. Hunting men are pretty usually
a marrying race; whether it be from daily habits of recklessness, a
bold disregard of the adage which advises “to look before you leap,”
or a general thick-headedness and want of circumspection, the
red-coated Nimrod falls an easy prey to any fair enslaver who may
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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