So, while I languish’d for my absent maid 410 I some observance to my uncle paid.” “Had you inquired?” said Richard. “I had placed Inquirers round, but nothing could be traced; Of every reasoning creature at this Hall, And tenant near it, I applied to all---- ‘Tell me if she’--and I described her well-- ‘Dwelt long a guest, or where retired to dwell?’ But no! such lady they remember’d not-- They saw that face, strange beings! and forgot. Nor was inquiry all; but I pursued 420 My soul’s first wish, with hope’s vast strength endued: I cross’d the seas, I went where strangers go, And gazed on crowds as one who dreads a foe, Or seeks a friend; and, when I sought in vain, Fled to fresh crowds, and hoped, and gazed again.” “It was a strong possession”--“Strong and strange, I felt the evil, yet desired not change. Years now had flown, nor was the passion cured, But hope had life, and so was life endured; The mind’s disease, with all its strength, stole on, 430 Till youth, and health, and all but love were gone. And there were seasons, Richard, horrid hours Of mental suffering! they o’erthrew my powers, And made my mind unsteady--I have still, At times, a feeling of that nameless ill, That is not madness--I could always tell My mind was wandering--knew it was not well; Felt all my loss of time, the shameful waste Of talents perish’d, and of parts disgraced. But though my mind was sane, there was a void-- 440 My understanding seem’d in part destroy’d; I thought I was not of my species one, But unconnected, injured and undone! “While in this state, once more my uncle pray’d That I would hear--I heard, and I obey’d; For I was thankful that a being broke On this my sadness, or an interest took In my poor life--but, at his mansion, rest Came with its halcyon stillness to my breast. Slowly there enter’d in my mind concern 450 For things about me--I would something learn, And to my uncle listen; who, with joy, Found that ev’n yet I could my powers employ, Till I could feel new hopes my mind possess, Of ease at least, if not of happiness; Till, not contented, not in discontent, As my good uncle counsell’d, on I went; Conscious of youth’s great error--nay, the crime Of manhood now--a dreary waste of time! Conscious of that account which I must give 460 How life had past with me--I strove to live. “Had I, like others, my first hope attain’d, I must, at least, a certainty have gain’d; Had I, like others, lost the hope of youth, Another hope had promised greater truth; But I in baseless hopes, and groundless views, Was fated time, and peace, and health to lose, Impell’d to seek, for ever doom’d to fail,