(1777, Feb.) Tuesday night.--. . . As to my own situation I cannot say it is a happy (one), although I have so much more than I could have expected. I have, indeed, for the present all I ever wished, but I have also the strongest assurances given me that at all events things shall continue for some time in the state in which they now are. But whoever upon that concludes that I must be easy is either ignorant or indifferent to the feelings of mankind. The bare possibility of be[ing] rendered so unhappy as I should be made upon a change of their resolution, or from the operations of caprice and travers, I say the mere apprehensions of that, even slightly founded, prevent my mind from being in that equilibre which is absolutely necessary to my tranquillity. We are, I say, at present going on very well, in as good and regular a progress of education as it is possible; both Mie Mie and I as tractable as it is possible; et troubler ce menage seroit une cruaute sans example. I have also to grieve at other times for a great deprivation of part of my happiness; that, I mean, to which you contributed, Lady C(arlisle) and your children. There is a hiatus valde deflendus; indeed, a lacune which I do not know how to fill up, and I sigh over the prospect of it perpetually, and without seeing my way out of it. I have, at another part of my day, a scene, which time or use cannot reconcile to me. I see my mother's strength grow less every day, without any consolation, but that her mind does not decay with it. In short, my dear Lord, as I have often told you, j'ai l'esprit et le coeur trop fracasses for me to be happy at present, and all I can say is that I might, by untoward accidents, be more miserable, and these are removed from my view pour le moment; but I wait for a period of time when I shall be relieved from uncertainty of what may happen, and when I may live and breathe without restraint and apprehension. That period will, as I imagine, arrive in about two months, and till then les assurances les plus fortes sont trop faibles pour mon repos. It is some time since I have had a long letter from you. I hope to have one of some sort or other to-morrow. I hope all goes quietly, at least Gregg says that you write cheerfully. On s'accoutume a tout, they say, but I know and feel very sensibly that there are exceptions to that adage.