German wit and humor : $b A collection from various sources classified under appropriate subject headingsDownes, Minna Sophie Marie Baumann
General
German wit and humor : $b A collection from various sources classified under appropriate subject headings
Downes, Minna Sophie Marie Baumann
German wit and humor
In 1871, while Bismarck, as Ambassador of the Confederation, lived at
Frankfort, he occupied rooms in a private house. There was no bell in his
study with which to call his valet from his room on the floor above, so
he requested his landlord to have one put in. That gentleman, who was not
a friend of “that Prussian,” declined to do so, saying, that his tenants
always had done things of that sort at their own expense, and he didn’t
see why he should make an exception now.
Some time later in the day a pistol-shot rang through the house. Very
much frightened, the landlord ran through all the rooms until he came to
Bismarck’s study, where the still smoking pistol lay on the table, and
the smoking Bismarck sat quietly at work.
“For heaven’s sake, what has happened?” cried the landlord.
“Nothing at all,” said Bismarck, “that you need worry about. I just
signaled to my valet that I want him. It is a perfectly harmless signal.
I hope you will soon get used to it.”
It is hardly necessary to add that Bismarck got his bell in short order.
Despatch Sending Without Suspicion
One day, while the peace negotiations were in progress, the
representative from Hanover asked Bismarck how he managed to get his
despatches through the mails unopened. Bismarck, for answer, asked him to
take a walk with him. He took him to the poor district of Frankfort, to a
narrow street where only small stores were to be found. Arrived before a
little grocery, Bismarck, to his companion’s surprise, put on gloves and
then entered the store. His first question to the clerk was: “Do you keep
soap?”
“Yes sir.”
“What kinds?”
The clerk put several kinds before Bismarck, from which the latter
selected a particularly strong-smelling piece, and put it in his pocket.
Then he asked for envelopes and was shown some of the very cheapest kind.
Now Bismarck took a despatch from his inside coat-pocket, put it into
one of the envelopes, fastened it, and asked for pen and ink and began
to write the address. But of course with gloves he could not do it, so
he asked the clerk to do it for him. Then he put the envelope with the
despatch into the same pocket with the soap. When they were on the street
again Bismarck said to his companion: “Now, I defy them to smell my
despatch under a perfume composed of soap, herring, and cheese, and an
address written in such a hand.”
The Overburdened Horse
Prince Bismarck was suffering from great nervousness at one time, and was
obliged to stop smoking and drinking wine altogether for some weeks. When
he complained to Emperor William about it, his Majesty said:
“There you see the difference between us. I am ever so much older than
you, but I enjoy my cigar, can take a glass of wine, and am very well
with it all.”
“Oh yes, your Majesty, that is an old story,” returned the Chancellor;
“the rider always has it easier than the horse.”
Without Intent
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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