Marriage -- Drama; Married people -- Drama; Weddings -- Drama
THE BISHOP [going to Leo] Good morning, my dear. Hullo! Youve
brought Reginald with you. Thats very nice of you. Have you
reconciled them, Boxer?
THE GENERAL. Reconciled them! Why, man, the whole divorce was a
put-up job. She wants to marry some fellow named Hotchkiss.
REGINALD. A fellow with a face like--
LEO. You shant, Rejjy. He has a very fine face.
MRS BRIDGENORTH. And now she says she wants to marry both of
them, and a lot of other people as well.
LEO. I didnt say I wanted to marry them: I only said I should
like to marry them.
THE BISHOP. Quite a nice distinction, Leo.
LEO. Just occasionally, you know.
THE BISHOP [sitting down cosily beside her] Quite so. Sometimes a
poet, sometimes a Bishop, sometimes a fairy prince, sometimes
somebody quite indescribable, and sometimes nobody at all.
LEO. Yes: thats just it. How did you know?
THE BISHOP. Oh, I should say most imaginative and cultivated
young women feel like that. I wouldnt give a rap for one who
didnt. Shakespear pointed out long ago that a woman wanted a
Sunday husband as well as a weekday one. But, as usual, he didnt
follow up the idea.
THE GENERAL [aghast] Am I to understand--
THE BISHOP [cutting him short] Now, Boxer, am I the Bishop or are
you?
THE GENERAL [sulkily] You.
THE BISHOP. Then dont ask me are you to understand. "Yours not to
reason why: yours but to do and die"--
THE GENERAL. Oh, very well: go on. I'm not clever. Only a silly
soldier man. Ha! Go on. [He throws himself into the railed chair,
as one prepared for the worst].
MRS BRIDGENORTH. Alfred: dont tease Boxer.
THE BISHOP. If we are going to discuss ethical questions we must
begin by giving the devil fair play. Boxer never does. England
never does. We always assume that the devil is guilty; and we
wont allow him to prove his innocence, because it would be
against public morals if he succeeded. We used to do the same
with prisoners accused of high treason. And the consequence is
that we overreach ourselves; and the devil gets the better of us
after all. Perhaps thats what most of us intend him to do.
THE GENERAL. Alfred: we asked you here to preach to Leo. You are
preaching at me instead. I am not conscious of having said or
done anything that calls for that unsolicited attention.
THE BISHOP. But poor little Leo has only told the simple truth;
whilst you, Boxer, are striking moral attitudes.
THE GENERAL. I suppose thats an epigram. I dont understand
epigrams. I'm only a silly soldier man. Ha! But I can put a plain
question. Is Leo to be encouraged to be a polygamist?
THE BISHOP. Remember the British Empire, Boxer. Youre a British
General, you know.
THE GENERAL. What has that to do with polygamy?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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