I fell at his feet and begged him to let me have my way, but some obstinate demon seemed to have taken possession of his breast. I opened my desk and showered bank-notes upon him. He spurned them, and one flew out into the night. Neither of us put out a hand to arrest its flight. I saw that nothing but the truth had any chance to alter his resolve. But I played one more card before resorting to this dangerous weapon. "Listen, my own dearest Paul," I burst out. "If money will not tempt you, let a father's petition persuade you. Learn, then, that I dread your taking this position because you will perpetually have to attack the Jews--" "As they deserve," he put in. "Be it so. But I--I have a kindness for this oppressed race." He looked at me in silence, as if awaiting further explanation. I gave it, blurting out the shameful lie with ill-concealed confusion. "Once upon a time I--I loved a Jewess. I could not marry her, of course. But ever since that time I have had a soft place in my heart for her unhappy race." A look of surprise flashed into Paul's eyes. Then his face grew tender. He took my hand in his. "Father, we have a common sorrow," he said. "The girl I spoke of was a Jewess." "How?" I exclaimed, surprised in my turn. It was the same affair, then. "Yes, she was a Jewess. But I taught her the truth. Christ was revealed to her prisoned soul. She would have fled with me if we had had the means, and if I had been able to support her in some other country. But she did not dare be baptized and stay in Moscow or anywhere near. She said her father would have killed her. The only alternative was for me to embrace Judaism. Impossible as you may think it, father, and I confess it to my eternal shame, at the very period I was correcting the proofs of my book, I was wrestling with a temptation to embrace this Satanic heresy. But I conquered the temptation. It was easy to conquer. To renounce the faith which was my blessed birthright would, as you know, have cost me dear. Selfishness warred for once on the side of salvation. Rachel wished to fly with me. I knew she would have been poor and unhappy. I refused to take advantage of her girlish impetuousness. I heard afterward that she had drowned herself." The tears rained down his cheeks.