A pedantic bachelor had the following inscription on his tea-caddy:— TU DOCES. (Thou Tea-chest.) _Epitaph on a Cat_, ascribed to Dr. Johnson (Hor. lib. i., c. 12):— MI-CAT INTER OMNES. Two gentlemen about to enter an unoccupied pew in a church, the foremost found it locked. His companion, not perceiving it at the moment, inquired why he retreated. “_Pudor vetat_” said he. (Modesty forbids.) * * * * * A gentleman at dinner requested a friend to help him to a potato, which he did, saying, “I think you will find that a good mealy one.” “Thank you,” quoth the other: “it could not be _melior_” (better). * * * * * A student of Latin, being confined to his room by illness, was called upon by a friend. “What, John,” said the visitor, “sick, eh?” “Yes,” replied John, “_sic sum_” (so I am). * * * * * In King’s College were two delinquents named respectively Payne and Culpepper. Payne was expelled, but Culpepper escaped punishment. Upon this, a wit wrote the following apt line:— _Pœna_ perire potest; _Culpa per_ennis est. Andrew Borde, author of the _Breviary of Health_, called himself in Latin Andreas Perforatus. This translation of a proper name was according to the fashion of the time, but in this instance includes a pun,—perforatus, _bored_ or pierced. * * * * * Joseph II., Emperor of Germany, during a visit to Rome, went to see the princess Santacroce, a young lady of singular beauty, who had an evening _conversazione_. Next morning appeared the following pasquinade. “Pasquin asks, ‘What is the Emperor Joseph come to Rome for?’ Marforio answers, ‘Abaciar la Santa Croce’”—to kiss the Holy Cross. * * * * * On the trial of Garnett, the Superior of the Jesuits, for his participation in the Gunpowder Plot, Coke, then Attorney-General, concluded his speech thus:—_Qui cum Jesu itis, non itis cum Jesuitis_. * * * * * A few years ago, several Jesuits came into the lecture-room of an Italian professor in the University of Pisa, believing he was about to assail a favorite dogma of theirs. He commenced his lecture with the following words,— “Quanti Gesuiti sono all’ inferno!” (How many Jesuits there are in hell!) When remonstrated with, he said that his words were— “Quanti—Gesu!—iti sono all’ inferno!” (How many people, O Jesus! there are in hell!) * * * * *