_Fairest of the Fair._ When such _fair_ beings as you have the _fair_-ness to honor our _Fair_ with your _fair_ presence, it is perfectly _fair_ that you should receive good _fare_ from the _fair_ conductors of this _Fair_, and indeed it would be very un-_fair_ if you should not _fare_ well, since it is the endeavor of those whose wel-_fare_ depends upon the success of this _Fair_, to treat all who come _fair_-ly, but to treat with especial _fair_-ness those who are as _fair_ as yourself. We are engaged in a _fair_ cause, a sacred war-_fare_; that is, to speak without un-_fair_-ness, a war-_fare_, not against the _fair_ sex, but against the pockets of their beaux. We therefore hope, gentle reader, “still _fair_est found where all is _fair_,” that you will use all _fair_ exertions in behalf of the praiseworthy af-_fair_ which we have _fair_-ly undertaken. If you take sufficient interest in our wel-_fare_ to lend your _fair_ aid, you will appear _fair_-er than ever in our sight; we will never treat you un-_fair_-ly, and when you withdraw the light of your _fair_ countenance from our _Fair_, we will bid you a kind _Fare_-well. The following was written on the occasion of a duel in Philadelphia, several years ago:— Schott and Willing did engage In duel fierce and hot; Schott shot Willing willingly, And Willing he shot Schott. The shot Schott shot made Willing quite A spectacle to see; While Willing’s willing shot went right Through Schott’s anatomy. WRITE WRITTEN RIGHT. _Write_ we know is written right, When we see it written _write_; But when we see it written wright, We know it is not written right: For write, to have it written right, Must not be written right or wright, Nor yet should it be written rite; But _write_, for so ’tis written right. TURN TO THE LEFT AS THE (ENGLISH) LAW DIRECTS. The laws of the Road are a paradox quite: For when you are travelling along, If you keep to the §LEFT§ you’re sure to be §RIGHT§, If you keep to the §RIGHT§ you’ll be §WRONG§. I cannot bear to see a bear, bear down upon a hare, When bare of hair he strips the hare, for hare I cry, “forbear!” ON THE DEATH OF THE EARL OF KILDARE. Who _killed Kildare_? Who _dared Kildare_ to _kill_? Death answers,— I _killed Kildare_, and _dare kill_ whom I will. §A§ _Cat_§ALECTIC MONODY§.