"I am troubled about Bettina. Certainly the child is not happy. All of
her brightness has left her. She is pale and thin, and I am too wise a
physician of bodies not to know something, too, of hearts. You may say
that my attitude has affected her; that she had felt instinctively the
difference in me. But it is not that. I am sure it is not that. When
I asked her to-night if there was anything between us, she faltered
that she had something to tell me that she would write.
"Perhaps I should wait until her letter comes, but I cannot wait. You
are so vividly with me at this moment, Diana, that I can almost hear
your voice calling above the noise of the wind and waves. I can see
you as I like you best--all in white. I can feel your presence as I
felt it that night in the empty house as you stood on the threshold of
that moonlighted room.
"Oh, dear girl, come back to me. I must have you in my life. Otherwise
it will be a thwarted life--and a lonely one. For whether you marry me
or not, I will not marry Betty. I do not love her, and she shall not
spend her days as the unloved wife of one whose thoughts are all with
a wonder-woman up in the hills.
"Can't you see it as I do? We must not so profane marriage, Betty and
I. There is no idea of honor so false as that which holds a man or a
woman to a promise which has ceased to have a vital and a vivid
meaning.
"No man has a right to plan for a home unless Love is to be the
corner-stone. These things are sacred, and not to be spoken of except
to those who understand. But my love for you and your love for me
would form a barrier against all the sweet and tender meanings for
Betty of wifehood and motherhood.
"That's the plain truth of it. I'm a blunt man, and I've said it as it
has come to me after days of pondering.
"I am not saying these things that I may marry you. I am saying them
because they are true. Surely we can find a way to make Bettina happy.
Her youth and loveliness must always win love. The hearts of the boys
at the club are all under her little feet, and Justin--oh, if I only
dared hope that she could care for Justin----
"But marry her I will not, even if I go alone through life.
"For me you are the One Woman, Diana. In these days of separation from
you I have thought of many things, but of none more than this: that we
men, having loved one woman, deceive ourselves, when we lose her, with
the thought that another like her may be found--but she is never
found, and so we go through life half-men, unsatisfied, with hungry
hearts.
"There's a big storm coming. I wish you might go down to the beach and
walk with me in the wind. How often we have walked together in beating
storms, Diana, and have gloried in them--so we would face the storms
of life together; so I cannot face them with any other--or alone.
"Oh, girl, come back to me. I need you. I must have you. I _will_ have
you. You are mine.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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