Yes, my dear madam, we are married. Sorry to disappoint the Western ladies; but we have a son fast growing up to man's estate. He will be in the market soon, and is almost as good-looking as his father. It was to him that the following lines were addressed:-- "I believe you isn't married, Ned? You doesn't know the sweets Vat waits upon that happy state Ven man and vomen meets. The buzum's warm emotions, Ned, The drops within the eyes; The nice vashed things, the darned stockings, And all them tender ties." * * * * * VERY brief, expressive, and complimentary:-- "P. S. When ----'s subscription runs out, don't stop her 'Book.' Next to myself and her sister, loves she 'Godey's Lady's Book.'" * * * * * WORTHY OF BEING IMITATED.--A subscriber in Maryland, who was in arrears, sent on his subscription at the full price, $4 a year, and added the interest. Another, a lady, sent us $4 a year for three years, and paid her subscription to 1855. Another, a gentleman, remitted his subscription in full up to 1860. We fancy that there are few other publications can give such instances as these. * * * * * SOMETHING ABOUT COOKS.--We heard an anecdote about "the new cook" that is worth telling. "Betty," says the mistress, "I want those shells warmed for dinner"--meaning the pastry shells. "Yis, ma'am." And, sure enough, Betty brought up the shells after dinner--a large tray full of them. "Why, what have you there, Betty?" "The shells, ma'am; and they are quite hot." "Shells!" exclaimed the indignant mistress. "Why, those are oyster shells!" "Sure they are, ma'am; and, as you had oysters last night, and I didn't see any other shells, I thought it was these you wanted warmed." * * * * * WE extract the following from Mrs. Partington's "Carpet Bag of Fun":-- A STRING OF EPITAPHS. "WEEP, stranger, for a father spilled From a stage-coach, and thereby killed: His name was John Sykes, a maker of sassengers, Slain with three other outside passengers." "Here lies the body of James Monk, Suddenly drowned when he was drunk; He paid his score, and cheated no man-- _De mortius nil nisi bonum_." "_His jacet_, Tom and Titus Tressel, Lost by the swamping of their vessel. A leak she sprung and settled fast; Payment of Nature's debt was asked, And it was paid--the debtors failing To give security by bailing. Full many a storm they nobly braved, And tho' they're lost, we hope they're saved." * * * * *