Orderly Room always embarrassed and dispirited me. I never got used to it even after sentencing thousands of men myself. There was something shameful about it. The only change that the introduction of the civilian element into the army brought was that about half-way through the war an army order came out that henceforth the word of command was to be ‘Accused and escort, right turn, quick march,’ etc., instead of ‘Prisoner and escort, right turn, quick march, etc.’ It was only very seldom that an interesting case came up. Even the obscene language, always quoted verbatim, was drearily the same; the only variation I remember from the four stock words was in the case of a man charged with using threatening and obscene language to an N.C.O. The man had, it appeared, said to a lance-corporal who had a down on him: ‘Corporal Smith, two men shall meet before two mountains.’ Humour only came from the very Welsh Welshmen from the hills who had an imperfect command of English. One of them, charged with being absent off ceremonial parade and using obscene language to the sergeant, became very indignant in Orderly Room and cried out to the colonel: ‘Colonel, sir, sergeant tole me wass I for guard; I axed him no, and now the bloody bastard says wass I.’ The greatest number of simultaneous charges that I ever heard preferred against a soldier was in the case of Boy Jones at Liverpool in 1917. He was charged with, first, using obscene language to the bandmaster; the bandmaster, who was squeamish, reported it as: ‘Sir, he called me a double effing c——.’ Next, with breaking out of the detention that was awarded for this crime. Third, with ‘absenting himself from the regiment until apprehended in the Hindenburg Line, France.’ Fourth, with resisting an escort. Fifth, with being found in possession of regimental property of the Cheshire Regiment. Boy Jones, who was only fourteen and looked thirteen, had wriggled through the bars of his detention-cell and, after getting a few things together at his hut, had gone to Liverpool Exchange Station to wait for a victim. The victim was a private in a Bantam Battalion just returning to France from leave. He treated the bantam to a lot of drink and robbed him of his rifle, equipment, badges and papers. He then went off in his place. Arrived in France he was posted to the Bantam Battalion; but this did not suit him. He wanted to be with his own regiment. He deserted the Bantams, who were somewhere north of Arras, and walked south along the trenches looking for his regiment, having now resumed his proper badges. After a couple of days’ walk he found the Second Battalion and reported and was immediately sent home, though he had a struggle with the escort at the railhead. The punishment for all these offences was ten days confined to camp and a spanking from the bandmaster.