Graham's Magazine Vol. XXXII No. 2. February 1848Various
General
Graham's Magazine Vol. XXXII No. 2. February 1848
Various
Literature -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
My mind had strained to Stephania's presence with the first footsteps
that told me of their separation; and it needed but a wave of his hand
to unlink the spirit-wings from my weary frame. I was present with
her.
I struggled for a moment, but in vain, to see her face. Its expression
was as visible as my hand in the sun, but no feature. The mind I had
read was close to me, in a presence of consciousness; and, in points,
here and there, brighter, bolder, and further-reaching than I had
altogether believed. She was unutterably pure--a spirit without a
spot--and I remained near her with a feeling as if my forehead were
pressed down to the palms of my hands, in homage mixed with sorrow,
for I should have more recognized this in my waking study of her
nature.
A moment more--a trembling effort, as if to read what were written to
record my companionship for eternity--and a vague image of myself came
out in shadow--clearer now, and still clearer, enlarging to the
fullness of her mind. She thought wholly and only of that image I then
saw, yet with a faint coloring playing to and from it, as influences
came in from the outer world. Her eyes were turned in upon it in lost
contemplation. But suddenly a new thought broke upon me. I saw my
image, but it was not I, as I looked to myself. The type of my
countenance was there; but, oh, transformed to an ideal, such as I
now, for the first time, saw possible--ennobled in every defective
line--purified of its taint from worldliness--inspired with high
aspirations--cleared of what it had become cankered with, in its
transmission through countless generations since first sent into the
world, and restored to a likeness of the angel of whose illuminated
lineaments it was first a copy. So thought Stephania of me. Thus did
she believe I truly was. Oh! blessed, and yet humiliating, trust of
woman! Oh! comparison of true and ideal, at which spirits must look
out of heaven, and of which they must long, with aching pity, to make
us thus rebukingly aware!
* * * * *
I felt myself withdrawing from Stephania's presence. There were tears
between us, which I could not see. I strove to remain, but a stronger
power than my will was at work within me. I felt my heart swell with a
gasp, as if death were bearing out of it the principle of life; and my
head dropped on the pillow of my bed.
"Good night, my son," said the low voice of Father Ludovic, "I have
willed that you should remember what you have seen. Be worthy of her
love, for there are few like her."
He closed the door, and as the glide of his sandals died away in the
echoing cloisters, I leaned forth to spread my expanding heart in the
upward and boundless light of the moon--for I seemed to wish never
again to lose in the wasteful forgetfulness of sleep, the
consciousness that I was loved by Stephania.
* * * * *
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