Graham's Magazine, Vol. XXXIV, No. 2, February 1849Various
General
Graham's Magazine, Vol. XXXIV, No. 2, February 1849
Various
Literature -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
The sun shone on—in less time than he could possibly have
anticipated—ten thousand was at his command. Very good, thought he;
this, with ten or fifteen thousand more, as a premium for encumbering
myself with a comforter of the snarling sex—for the ungallant Jasper
had a thoroughly mercantile business man’s opinion of the angelic
species—will be sufficient. I must investigate.
So he set out on a tour of the watering-places, and such like
wife-markets, where Cupid, the most wide-awake of auctioneers—it’s a
libel to say he’s blind—knocks the little darlings down to the highest
bidder. Of course, Jasper stopped at the first-class hotels, where he
scrutinized the _habitués_ of the ladies ordinary with uncommon
interest. There’s no use in disguising the fact, he sought not a wife,
but a fortune; in extenuation, allow me to say, he was not at all
singular, there are plenty of those individuals extant, young, tolerably
good-looking fellows, _bien gante_, and redolent of whisker, who linger
about the ladies’ drawing-room, in the faint hope of fascinating
something available, (prudent maternity avoids this class with pious
horror,) middle aged beaux, who dress sedulously, and toady _chaperons_,
carry fans, are always _so_ attentive and so obliging, dine regularly,
and affect a Burgundy decanter, which looks easy circumstanced, but
which the poor waiter is tired of carrying backward and forward,
ticketed some hundred and something.
These animals are generally great scandal-mongers, and always dangerous,
sweet-voiced but adder-tongued, their _modus operandi_ is to poison the
ear of the person addressed, against any other individual, hoping
thereby to elevate their own characters upon the slaughtered heap. Let
no woman suffer such pestilent breath to be a second time breathed
within her hearing.
Jasper, though indefatigable as you may well suppose, met with strange
adventure during his wife-hunt. Pretty women, after short experience, he
avoided utterly, for he found that they were usually too extravagant in
their expectations with regard to _personnel_, and as Jasper could not,
by any stretch of his imagination, fancy that he ranked in the category
of Fredericks and Augustuses, he endeavored to make up the deficiency by
a liberal display of wealth-prefiguring ornament, a kind of strong-box
index, which he shrewdly suspected might tempt some ambitious innocent
to investigate the contents thereof.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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