Gradually and mercilessly her reason told her that an arrangement with
Lady Rose, the appearance of having the right of possession in
Westmoreland House, the readiness of all concerned to bury the story,
and the possession of a fair income, would make it possible to live in
her own class quietly but, if tactfully, with a good repute. Then the
thought of any kind of compromise became intolerable to her, and she
realised that it was a fancy picture, not a real temptation.
To pretend that Westmoreland House was her own she could not do, but
what was the alternative? Dragging poverty and shame, and with no
opportunity for hiding what had passed, for living it down. Even if she
did the impossible to her pride and consented to receive a good
allowance from Lady Rose, it would not be at all the same in the world's
view as the dignified income that could be raised from Westmoreland
House, and from her mother's jewels and furniture. Her fingers
unconsciously touched the pearls round her neck. Surely she need not
speculate as to how her mother obtained the magnificent jewels which she
had worn up to the end? Then more light came--hard and cold, but clear.
If Molly had been innocent these things might have been so, but Molly
had committed a fraud on a great scale. It would be by the mercy of the
injured that she would be spared the rigours of the law. It was by the
supreme mercy of God that she had had the chance of making the sacrifice
before it was forced from her. And could she shrink from mere ordinary
poverty, from a life such as the vast majority of men and women are
living on this earth? She did not really shrink in her will. It was only
a mechanical movement of thought from one point to another. Was it much
punishment for what she had done to be very poor? Would it not be better
to be unclassed--to live among people who help each other much because
they have little to give? Would it not be the way to do what Father Mark
had said she should try to do--those good things she had done before?
She could nurse, she could watch, she was able to do with little sleep.
She would be very humble with the sick and suffering now. And it would
not surely be wrong to go and find such a life far away from where she
had sinned? She began to wonder if she need stay and live through all
the complications of the coming days. Must it be the right thing to stay
because it was the most unbearable? She thought not. There are times
when recklessness is the only safety. If she did not burn her ships now
she could not tell what temptations might come. But she would not let it
be among her motives that thus she would thereby escape unbearable pity
from Lady Rose and the far sterner magnanimity of Edmund Grosse. She
would act simply; she would ask Rose a favour; she would ask her to
provide for Miss Carew.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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