Grey Wethers: A Romantic NovelSackville-West, V. (Victoria)
General
Grey Wethers: A Romantic Novel
Sackville-West, V. (Victoria)
Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Romance fiction; Social classes -- Fiction
He had not understood her full meaning, of course; he had told her
again not to distress herself, he had assured her again that he would
not go far from home, he had even patted her shoulder, letting her
see nothing of the effort it cost him, and he had gone out then, to a
house down the street where he had a small carpentering job to finish.
Daisy remained alone in the kitchen, alone with the satisfaction of
having gained her point that he would abandon his long absences, but
still she was not satisfied as she expected; she sat on where he had
left her, bluntly probed by conscience, she whose conscience had never
troubled her until this contact with Lovel and his standards: what was
she doing to Lovel, she asked herself now? she had got him, but was
that all? was that enough for her? to have got him and to know she had
caught him by a trick? to see him inert under his dull unhappiness?
never to hear him complain, never to catch him at fault, but to see
him quiet as though his spirit was ebbing daily from him? Even she,
in her blundering insensitiveness, stirred uneasily at the thought
of his injuries. “But what was I to be at?” she cried to herself in
self-justification; “I wanted him, and all’s fair....” She moved in
her chair and twisted her hands. “Nicco, Nicco,” she moaned. “If he
knew how I wanted him he’d forgive me,” and with this reflection came
a deeper stab: it was probably true that he would indeed forgive
her,--that she had indeed broken him down to the extent of that
saint-like clemency. What would put anger and mettle back into him?
what would put life back into him? Clare, nothing but Clare, without
whom he was incomplete, only a gentle husk; and for a passing moment
her thoughts travelled to Clare, living out her life in some fashion
or another by Calladine’s side at Starvecrow. What, in her ignorance,
had she helped to bring about? She paused and drew back on the brink of
things she did not understand, taking refuge again in her own miseries,
comfortably familiar by reason of the many times she had pored over
them, with no dark corners or frightening perspectives, but all close,
small and personal, under the range of her poor niggling microscope.
And she was in the right frame of mind for such brooding, feeling
herself oppressed and full of foreboding, as she sat in the kitchen big
with the child, and big with the failure of her life, waiting indeed
for deliverance from the child, but seeing no solution to the greater
oppression, which she might expect to continue until she should grow
as spiritless and broken as Lovel and their existence should dwindle
to a grey twilight of apathy unenlivened even by anger or revolt. She
had rarely felt so dejected; the very stones of the kitchen walls
crushed her with their rude size; the child within her, usually so
active, so ironically vigorous, was so quiet to-day that she began to
wonder whether it were dead; the old woman overhead made no sound; and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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