for him that the worthlessness of his character should break out and
show itself in some plainly worthless deed, that he might no longer be
able to hide himself from the conviction and condemnation of his own
conscience. Hell had come at last; and he burned in its fire.
He was very weary, and went to bed in a berth in the cabin. But he was
awaked while it was yet quite dark by the violent rolling and pitching
of the vessel, and the running to and fro overhead. He got up at once,
dressed in haste, and clambered up the companion-ladder. It was a
wild scene. It had come on to blow hard. The brig was under reefed
topsails and jib: but Thomas knew nothing of sea affairs. She was a
good boat, and rode the seas well. There was just light enough for him
to see the water by the white rents in its darkness. Fortunately, he
was one of those few favored individuals in whose nerves the motion of
a vessel finds no response--I mean he did not know what sea-sickness
was. And that storm came to him a wonderful gift from the Father who
had not forgotten his erring child--so strangely did it harmonize
with his troubled mind. New strength, even hope, invaded his weary
heart from the hiss of the wind through the cordage as it bellied out
from the masts; his soul rejoiced in the heave of the wave under the
bows and its swift rush astern; and though he had to hold hard by the
weather shrouds, not a shadow of fear crossed his mind. This may have
partly come from life being to him now a worthless thing, save as he
had some chance of--he did not know what; for although he saw no way
of recovering his lost honor, and therefore considered that eternal
disgrace was his, even if God and man forgave him, there was yet a
genuine ray of an unknown hope borne into him, as I say, from the
crests of those broken waves. But I think it was natural to Thomas to
fear nothing that merely involved danger to himself. In this respect he
possessed a fine physical courage. It was in moral courage--the power
of looking human anger and contempt in the face, and holding on his own
way--that he was deficient. I believe that this came in a great measure
from a delicate, sensitive organization. He could look a storm in the
face; but a storm in a face he could not endure; he quailed before
it. He would sail over a smooth human sea, if he might; when a wind
rose there, he would be under bare poles in a moment. Of course this
sensitiveness was not in itself an evil, being closely associated with
his poetic tendencies, which ought to have been the center from which
all the manlier qualities were influenced for culture and development;
but he had been spoiled in every way, not least by the utterly
conflicting discords of nature, objects, and character in his father
and mother. But although a man may be physically brave and morally a
coward--a fact too well known to be insisted upon--a facing of physical
danger will help the better courage in the man whose will is at all
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