'Sophia, as you well know, followed me to India. She was as innocent as
gay; but, unfortunately for us both, as gay as innocent. My own manners
were partly formed by studies I had forsaken, and habits of seclusion
not quite consistent with my situation as commandant of a regiment in a
country where universal hospitality is offered and expected by every
settler claiming the rank of a gentleman. In a moment of peculiar
pressure (you know how hard we were sometimes run to obtain white faces
to countenance our line-of-battle), a young man named Brown joined our
regiment as a volunteer, and, finding the military duty more to his
fancy than commerce, in which he had been engaged, remained with us as
a cadet. Let me do my unhappy victim justice: he behaved with such
gallantry on every occasion that offered that the first vacant
commission was considered as his due. I was absent for some weeks upon
a distant expedition; when I returned I found this young fellow
established quite as the friend of the house, and habitual attendant of
my wife and daughter. It was an arrangement which displeased me in many
particulars, though no objection could be made to his manners or
character. Yet I might have been reconciled to his familiarity in my
family, but for the suggestions of another. If you read over--what I
never dare open--the play of "Othello," you will have some idea of what
followed--I mean of my motives; my actions, thank God! were less
reprehensible. There was another cadet ambitious of the vacant
situation. He called my attention to what he led me to term coquetry
between my wife and this young man. Sophia was virtuous, but proud of
her virtue; and, irritated by my jealousy, she was so imprudent as to
press and encourage an intimacy which she saw I disapproved and
regarded with suspicion. Between Brown and me there existed a sort of
internal dislike. He made an effort or two to overcome my prejudice;
but, prepossessed as I was, I placed them to a wrong motive. Feeling
himself repulsed, and with scorn, he desisted; and as he was without
family and friends, he was naturally more watchful of the deportment of
one who had both.
'It is odd with what torture I write this letter. I feel inclined,
nevertheless, to protract the operation, just as if my doing so could
put off the catastrophe which has so long embittered my life. But--it
must be told, and it shall be told briefly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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