"I don't give a damn if I never see you again. I don't care what you print or what you don't print, nor when. We do our advertising through the medium of sandwiches. Get to hell out of here and remember the libel laws; also that I pay my lawyers by the year. They are not very busy just now." To the others he said, kindly, "That's all to-day, boys. I'm busy as blazes." Cursing the absurd libel laws which prevent all newspapers from printing the truth, the fat reporter took his list of names and his leave at one and the same time. You can't treat even frauds humorously nowadays. H. R. had won again! He summoned Andrew Barrett and said to him: "Get this sandwich out to-morrow. It is one of our own. S. A. S. A. account; all-day job." "The men objected to the other--" "Seven thirty-cent tickets to Weinpusslacher's apiece," interrupted H. R., impatiently. "Get them from Weinie. He owes us three thousand." "Great! Greatissimo!" shouted young Mr. Barrett. He hated to pay out real money, and the members were getting ugly. They wanted pay for everything, even for sandwiching for the Cause. "Go to the costumer of the Metropolitan Opera House, to Madame Pauline, and to Monsieur Raquin of the Rue de la Paix who is stopping at the Hôtel Regina, and to the fashion editor of the _Ladies' Home Mentor_, and ask each to send us a design for a ticket-seller's costume. They will be worn by perfectly beautiful girls. There will be one hundred of them. I myself vote for the Perfect Thirty-eight, about five feet seven and one-half tall. My model of perfection is Miss Goodchild. Get busy. And, Barrett--" "Yes, sir." "Here is the text for the sandwich." H. R. handed a sheet of paper to his lieutenant, who read thereon: ONE HUNDRED GIRLS WILL SELL TICKETS TO THE MAMMOTH HUNGER FEAST * * * * * THEY ARE THE ONLY PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL GIRLS IN ALL NEW YORK * * * * * LOOK FOR THEM! LOOK AT THEM! PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL! O. K. H. R., _Sec._ "Say, H. R., this is the master-stroke! commented Andrew Barrett. "To-morrow," said H. R. coldly, "one hundred sandwiches on the Avenue. One of them in front of Goodchild's all day. White canvas. Heliotrope letters. Pea-green border. Design number eleven. Also insert this ad. in all the papers." This was the copy of the advertisement: _Wanted:_ Perfectly Beautiful Girls. Not merely pretty, nor merely young, nor merely hopeful, but Perfectly Beautiful! Object: To make New-Yorkers thank Providence they live in the same town. Apply H. R., Allied Arts Bldg. Andrew Barrett read it and left the room shaking his head, unable to speak coherently.