Advertising -- Fiction; Bank employees -- Fiction; Labor unions -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Satire
On Saturday morning the ninety-nine other perfectly beautiful girls were
engaged. Grace Goodchild, when asked point-blank if she were engaged to
H. R., now answered, "Do you see any engagement-ring?" Then she held up
her slim and beautiful hands. No ring.
All told, 186,898 tickets had been sold. It was plain that repeating had
been indulged in. The fair sellers could not be blamed.
"If susceptible men have bought more than one ticket," H. R. said to the
reporters, "they need not think they will get more than ten thousand
dollars. But the fact remains that we have more than enough money."
This entitled H. R. to the respect of the most conservative dailies.
And, moreover, he paid full rates for a half-page in which he printed
this advertisement:
HUNGRY PEOPLE WHO CAN'T BUY FOOD BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO MONEY
WILL RECEIVE A FINE DINNER FREE BY GOING TO MADISON SQUARE
GARDEN TO-NIGHT BEFORE 8.30. FOURTH AVENUE ENTRANCE.
NO MATTER HOW YOU CAME TO BE HUNGRY AND PENNILESS; NO MATTER
WHAT YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN OR WHAT YOUR RELIGION NOW IS; NO
MATTER WHAT YOUR HABITS ARE OR WHAT YOUR POLITICAL OPINIONS
MAY BE, WITHOUT REGARD TO YOUR JAIL RECORD, DISEASE, STATE
OF MIND, OR FAVORITE NEWSPAPER, IF YOU ARE HUNGRY AND HAVE
NO MONEY, COME AND EAT!
TO THE PUBLIC: COME AND SEE THEM EAT YOUR TICKETS!
UNDER THE AUSPICES OF THE SOCIETY OF AMERICAN SANDWICH
ARTISTS.
H. R.,
_Sec._
SPONSORS: THE MEN WHO HAVE MADE NEW YORK WHAT IT IS!
Then followed three hundred and seventeen famous names.
"What I have to say," H. R. modestly told the reporters, "I have stated
in my advertisement. However, if you wish to ask any questions, or if
you think the public is interested in any particular point--"
"It is! We do!" exclaimed the reporters. "Tell us about the ten thousand
dollars!"
"It is very simple and very easy," said H. R., with the deadly
earnestness of a man who knows he will not be believed when he speaks
the truth in New York. "As each person passes the ticket-taker he will
go, coupon in hand, into the superintendent's office. There he will be
asked one question. It is not a catch question. No puns permitted. No
double meaning. No particularly deep or recondite significance. It is a
plain question, vital to the welfare of all New-Yorkers, affecting the
destiny of the American nation. The answer is perfectly obvious. The
Mayor has been invited to be present, and he will see to it that no
fraud is perpetrated on the thousands of people who have bought tickets
in good faith--"
"I thought the object of the tickets was to feed hungry--" began a
serious-eyed reporter.
"It is; but charity carries a reward in cash. It is the modern way. You
might add that there will be no reserved seats, no privileged classes.
Where all men are alike charitable, all men are equal before God and
man!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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