Advertising -- Fiction; Bank employees -- Fiction; Labor unions -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Satire
The newspaper-men confronted H. R. eagerly. It was the day's big story.
They asked him about it.
He said to them, very simply, "I love her!"
They wrote it down. He waited until they had finished. Then he went on:
"She is the most beautiful girl in the world--to me. Don't forget
that--_to me_!"
Those two words would prevent two million sneers from the other most
beautiful girls in the world who at that moment happened to reside in
New York. Indeed, all his words would be read aloud to young men by said
two million coral lips. Perfect Cupid's bows. She was beautiful--_to
him_!
"Her parents oppose my suit," went on H. R., calmly.
"Is this a free country," interjected Max Onthemaker, vehemently, "or
are we in Russia? Has Wall Street established morganatic marriages in
this Republic, or--"
H. R. held up a quieting hand. Max Onthemaker smiled at the rebuke. Two
reporters had taken down his remarks.
"I have told her parents that I propose to marry Miss
Goodchild--peacefully. Get that straight, please. Peacefully! I am a
law-abiding citizen. She is very beautiful. But I am willing to wait--a
few weeks."
"Yes. But the sandwiches," began a reporter who entertained hopes of
becoming a Public Utility Corporation's publicity man.
H. R. stopped him with an impressive frown. He cleared his throat.
The reporters felt it coming.
"What I have done--" he began.
"Yes! Yes!"
"--is merely the employment for the first time in history of
_psychological sabotage_!"
The reporters, now having the head-line, rushed off. All except one, who
whispered to H. R.'s counsel:
"What in blazes _is_ sabotage? How do you spell it?"
"Quit your joking," answered Max. "You know very well what it is. Isn't
he a wonder? Psychological sabotage!"
The newspapers gave it space in proportion to the extent of their Wall
Street affiliations. The _Evening Post_, having none, came out with an
editorial on "Psychological Sabotage." It held up H. R. as a product of
the times, made inevitable by T. Roosevelt. The _World_ editorialized on
"The Wall Street Spirit _versus_ Love"; the _Times_ wrote about "The
Ethics of Modern Courtship"; and the _Sun_ about "The Decay of Manners
under the Present Administration and its Mexican Policy." The
_American_'s editorial was "Intelligent Eugenics and Unintelligent
Wealth."
But all of them quoted "Psychological Sabotage." This made the Socialist
papers espouse the cause of H. R.
The _Globe_, however, beat them all. It offered to supply to the young
couple, free of charge, a complete kitchen-set and the services of a
knot-tier. It printed the names and addresses of sixteen clergymen, two
rabbis, three aldermen, and the Mayor of the City of New York.
The Public Sentiment Corps copied two hundred and thirty-eight letters
prepared by the boss, praising and condemning H. R. and Mr. Goodchild.
This compelled the newspapers that received the letters to run Grace's
portrait daily--a new photograph each time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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