Advertising -- Fiction; Bank employees -- Fiction; Labor unions -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Satire
"To an appeal to New York's better nature," said H. R.,
enthusiastically. "The masses always follow the classes; if they didn't
there wouldn't be classes. Mr. Wyman, of the National Bank of the
Avenue, will act as treasurer."
It was the fashionable bank. Stock in demand at seventy-two hundred
dollars a share, and all held by Vans.
"Has he--"
"He will," interrupted H. R. so decisively that the Bishop forgot to be
annoyed at not being allowed to finish his question. "We shall appeal to
all New-Yorkers. Your name must therefore lead the signatures. Much,
Bishop Phillipson, depends upon the leader! Of course there will be
other clergymen, and leading merchants, and capitalists, and the mayor,
and the borough presidents, and the reform leaders, and everybody who is
Somebody. They must give the example. Do you not constantly endeavor,
yourself, to be an example, reverend sir?"
Before the Bishop could deny this H. R. gave into his hands a book
beautifully bound in hand-tooled morocco. The leaves were vellum. On the
first page was artistically engrossed:
_Hunger knows no denomination._
_There must not be starving men, women, or children in New
York._
_We who do not hunger must feed those who do._
_LET US FEED ALL THE HUNGRY!_
"Here, Bishop Phillipson, is the place at the head of the list. It will
be signed by men and women whose names stand for Achievement, Fame, and
Disinterestedness."
H. R. held a fountain-pen before him and pursued: "If you sign, I'll
feed all the hungry--_all_! Have you ever seen a starving man? Do you
know what it is to be hungry?"
The Bishop shook his head at the fountain-pen. He had seen starving men,
but he had read about signatures. He could not officially sanction a
plan of which he knew so little. No grown man can say that he did not
know what he was signing.
"Listen!" commanded H. R., sternly. "Do you hear your Master's voice?"
"Your intentions, I make no doubt, are highly praiseworthy. But your
language is so close to blasphemy...."
"All words that invoke God in unrhymed English are so regarded in the
United States. Grace would have it that you would sign in Chinese if by
so doing it fed the hungry. '_But the greatest of these is charity._'
The reporters are waiting for the list. Everybody else will sign if you
head the list."
"Of course." And the Bishop's voice actually betrayed the fact that he
had been forced into self-defense. "Of course. I should be only too glad
to sign if I were certain such an action on my part would actually feed
the hungry--"
"_All_ the hungry," corrected H. R.
"Even a tenth of the hungry of New York," the Bishop insisted. "But, my
dear young man, excellent intentions do not always succeed. Your methods
might not commend themselves to men who have made this work the study of
a lifetime."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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