But John Derringham limped off to the bows of the ship, quivering with
pain. So Halcyone had spoken of his engagement and said he was "clever
and great." What could it all mean? Did he no longer interest her
then--even at that period? This stung him deeply. There was no light
anywhere. When once he had grasped the full significance of his own
conduct he was much too fine an intelligence to deceive himself, or
persuade himself to see any other aspect but the hopeless one, that the
entire chain of events was the result of his own action. But surely
there must be some way out? If he wrote straight to Cecilia and told her
the truth? And then he almost laughed bitterly as he realized the
futility of this plan. What would the truth matter to Mrs. Cricklander?
She could very well retort that he had known all this truth from the
beginning, and had been willing to marry her while his financial
position made it an advantage to himself, but was now _recalcitrant_
only because fortune had otherwise poured gold into his lap.
No, there was no hope. He must go through with it.
So he crushed down his emotions and forced himself to return to Miss
Lutworth and talk brightly to her until they landed.
And when they parted at the Gare du Nord, Cora was left with the
impression that, whatever might be the undercurrent, John Derringham was
strong enough to face his fate, and not give anyone the satisfaction of
knowing whether in it he found pleasure or pain.
When he arrived about ten days later at the hotel in Florence, where
Mrs. Cricklander was staying, waiting for him to accompany her on to
Venice, he found her in a very bad temper. She felt that she had not
been treated with that deference and respect which was her due, to say
nothing of the ardor that a lover ought to have shown by hastening to
her side. Why had he motored, spending ten days on a journey that he
could have accomplished in two? And he made no excuses, and seemed quite
unimpressed by her mood one way or another. He was so changed, too!
Gaunt and haggard--he had certainly lost every one of his good looks,
except his distinction--that seemed more marked than ever. His arrogant
air that she had once admired so much now only caused her to feel a
great irritation. He had made the excuse of the waiter not having quite
closed the door, apparently, for only kissing her hand by way of
greeting, and then he said just the right thing about her beauty and his
pleasure in seeing her, and sat down by her side upon the sofa in far
too collected a manner for a lover to have shown after these weeks of
separation. Mrs. Cricklander grew very angry indeed. Cold and capricious
behavior should only be shown upon a woman's side, she felt!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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