Handy Andy: A Tale of Irish Life. Volume 1Lover, Samuel
General
Handy Andy: A Tale of Irish Life. Volume 1
Lover, Samuel
Ireland -- Fiction
Furlong pulled up the glass, and employed the interval between Mat's
answer and reaching the Hall in making up his mind as to how he should
"face the devil."
The carriage, after jolting for some time over a rough road skirted by a
high and ruinous wall, stopped before a gateway that had once been
handsome, and Furlong was startled by the sound of a most thundering
bell, which the vigorous pull of Mat stimulated to its utmost pitch; the
baying of dogs which followed was terrific. A savage-looking gatekeeper
made his appearance with a light--not in a lantern, but shaded with his
tattered hat; many questions and answers ensued, and at last the gate
was opened. The carriage proceeded up a very ragged avenue, stopped
before a large rambling sort of building, which even moonlight could
exhibit to be very much out of repair, and after repeated knocking at
the door (for Mat knew _his_ squire and the other squire were not
friends now, and that he might be impudent), the door was unchained and
unbarred, and Furlong deposited in Neck-or-Nothing Hall.
CHAPTER XIV
"Such is the custom of Branksome Hall."
_Lay of the Last Minstrel._
NECK-OR-NOTHING HALL
CANTO I
Ten good nights and ten good days
It would take to tell thy ways,
Various, many, and amazing:
Neck-or-Nothing bangs all praising.
Wonders great and wonders small
Are found in Neck-or-Nothing Hall.
Racing rascals of ten a twain,
Who care not a rush for hail nor rain,
Messages swiftly to go or to come,
Or duck a taxman or harry a bum,[7]
Or "clip a server,"[8] did blithely lie
In the stable parlour next to the sky[9]
Dinners, save chance ones, seldom had they,
Unless they could nibble their beds of hay;
But the less they got, they were hardier all--
'T was the custom of Neck-or-Nothing Hall.
[7] A facetious phrase for bailiff, so often kicked.
[8] Cutting off the ears of a process-server.
[9] Hayloft.
One lord there sat in that terrible hall,
Two ladies came at his terrible call,--
One his mother and one his wife,
Each afraid of her separate life;
Three girls who trembled--four boys who shook
Five times a day at his lowering look,
Six blunderbuses in goodly show,
Seven horse-pistols were ranged below,
Eight domestics, great and small,
In idlesse did nothing but curse them all;
Nine state beds, where no one slept--
Ten for family use were kept;
Dogs eleven with bums to make free,
With a bold thirteen[10] in the treasury--
(Such its numerical strength, I guess
It can't be more, but it may be less).
Tar-barrels new and feathers old
Are ready, I trow, for the caitiff bold
Who dares to invade
The stormy shade
Of the grim O'Grade,
In his hunting hold.
[10] A shilling, so called from its being worth thirteen pence in
those days.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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