Handy Andy: A Tale of Irish Life. Volume 1Lover, Samuel
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Handy Andy: A Tale of Irish Life. Volume 1
Lover, Samuel
Ireland -- Fiction
"I'll die with the fright, aunt! I feel I'm dyin'! Let us say our
prayers, aunt, for we're goin' to be murdhered!" The two women began to
repeat with fervour their _aves_ and _paternosters_, while at this
immediate juncture, Andy's dream having borne him to the dirty ditch
where Dick Dawson had pommelled him, he began to vociferate, "Murder,
murder!" so fiercely, that the women screamed together in an agony of
terror, and "Murder! murder!" was shouted by the whole party; for, once
the widow and Oonah found their voices, they made good use of them. The
noise awoke Andy, who had, be it remembered, a tolerably long sleep by
this time: and he having quite forgotten where he had lain down, and
finding himself confined by the bed above him, and smothering for want
of air, with the fierce shouts of murder ringing in his ear, woke in as
great a fright as the women in the bed, and became a party in the
terror he himself had produced; every plunge he gave under the bed
inflicted a poke or a kick on his mother and cousin, which was answered
by the cry of "Murder!"
"Let me out--let me out, Misther Dick!" roared Andy. "Where am I at
all? Let me out!"
"Help! help! murdher!" roared the women.
"I'll never shoot any one again, Misther Dick--let me up!"
Andy scrambled from under the bed, half awake, and whole frightened by
the darkness and the noise, which was now increased by the barking of
the cur-dog.
"Hie at him, Coaly!" roared Mrs. Rooney; "howld him! howld him!"
Now as this address was often made to the cur respecting the pig, when
Mrs. Rooney sometimes wanted a quiet moment in the day, and the pig
didn't like quitting the premises, the dog ran to the corner of the
cabin where the pig habitually lodged, and laid hold of his ear with
the strongest testimonials of affection, which polite attention the pig
acknowledged by a prolonged squealing, that drowned the voices of the
women and Andy together; and now the cocks and hens that were roosting
on the rafters of the cabin were startled by the din, and the crowing
and cackling and the flapping of the frightened fowls, as they flew
about in the dark, added to the general uproar and confusion.
"A--h!" screamed Oonah, "take your hands off me!" as Andy, getting from
under the bed, laid his hand upon it to assist him, and caught a grip
of his cousin.
"Who are you at all?" cried Andy, making another claw, and catching
hold of his mother's nose.
"Oonah, they're murdhering me!" shouted the widow.
The name of Oonah, and the voice of his mother, recalled his senses to
Andy, who shouted, "Mother, mother! what's the matter?" A frightened
hen flew in his face, and nearly knocked Andy down. "Bad cess to you,"
cried Andy, "what do you hit me for?"
"Who are you at all?" cried the widow.
"Don't you know me?" said Andy.
"No, I don't know you; by the vartue o' my oath, I don't; and I'll
never swear again you, jintlemen, if you lave the place and spare our
lives!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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