The studio in days like this was as gloomy as the place for bones in a
cemetery. Marble and plaster of Paris need azure. In that leaden light
the whiteness had something sad in it; figures in dark terra-cotta lost
all precision of lines and changed into indefinite forms almost
terrible.
Dirt and disorder increased the gloom of the studio. On the floor was a
thick layer of dust, formed from pieces of dry terra-cotta ground fine
from trampling; to this was added mud from the street. The naked walls
were merely ornamented here and there with models of hands and feet in
plaster of Paris; near the window hung a small mirror, above it a horse
skull, and a bouquet of artificial flowers quite black from dust.
In the corner was a bed covered with a quilt, old and rumpled; near the
bed a commode; on this an iron candlestick.
Kamionka, through reasons of economy, kept no separate lodging-place; he
slept in the studio. Usually the bed was concealed by a screen, but the
screen had been removed to let the sick man look out more easily through
the window near the foot of his bed, and see if the weather were
clearing. Another and larger window placed in the ceiling of the studio
was covered with dust on the outside to such a degree that even on
bright days a gray and gloomy light passed in through it.
But the weather did not clear. After a number of days of darkness the
clouds settled down thoroughly, the air was penetrated to the last
degree with a watery, heavy mist, and became still darker. Kamionka, who
so far had lain on the bed in his clothing, felt worse, so he undressed
and lay down for good.
Speaking precisely, he was not so much sick with any definite disease as
he was bowed down, dissatisfied, exhausted, and sad in general. His
weakness cut the feet from beneath him. He had no wish to die; but
neither did he feel strength to live.
The long hours of the dismal day seemed longer because he had no one for
company. His wife had been dead twenty years; his relatives lived in
another part of the country; and he did not live with his colleagues. In
recent years every acquaintance had withdrawn from him because of his
ever-increasing sorrow. At first, his disposition amused people; but
later, when he grew stranger and stranger, when every jest roused a
permanent feeling of offence in him, even those nearest the man broke
off all relations with him.
People took it ill of him also that with age he had grown devout, and
his sincerity was suspected. Malicious tongues said that he sat in
church only to receive orders from churches through his relations with
priests. This was not true. His piety did not flow from deep and calm
faith, perhaps, but it was unselfish.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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