With him that happened which happens to many, even perfectly intelligent
people. His reason ceased to act when his inclinations were roused, or,
worse still, it entered their service; instead of striving to conquer,
it undertook to find arguments to justify them. In this fashion Svirski,
who knew and understood every weak point, began to make excuses,
twisting, mollifying, explaining. "It is true," thought he, "that
neither her nature nor her conduct, so far, give guarantees; but who
can say that she is not tortured by her present life, that she is not
yearning with all her soul for another? In her action there is
undoubtedly much coquetry; but again who will say that she has not
developed that coquetry because she has fallen in love with me
sincerely? To imagine that a person, even filled with faults and
failings, has no good side, is childish. What a medley is the human
soul! There is merely need of proper conditions to develop the good
side, and the bad will disappear. Pani Elzen has passed her first youth.
What stupidity to suppose that no voice in her is calling for calm,
rest, honor, and healing. And just for these reasons perhaps a woman
like her values more than others an honest man, who would make her feel
certain of all things." This last thought seemed to him uncommonly
profound and appropriate. Formerly sound judgment had declared that Pani
Elzen wanted to catch him, but now he answered, "She is right; we may
say of any woman, even one of the most ideal character, who wishes to
unite herself to a man whom she loves, that she wants to catch him." As
to the future, the hope also of children quieted him. He thought that he
would have something to love, and she would be obliged to break with
vain, social life, for she would not have time for it; and before
children could grow up, her youth would have passed; after that her
house would attract her more than society. Finally, he said, "In every
case life must arrange itself; before old age comes I shall live a
number of years with an interesting and beautiful woman, near whom every
week day will seem a festival."
And those "few years" became in fact the main charm for him. There was
something humiliating for Pani Elzen in this, that he feared no
extraordinary event for the single reason that her youth, and therefore
possibilities, must soon pass. He did not confess this to himself,
though it was the basis of his consolation; and he deceived himself, as
is ever the case with people in whom reason has become the pander of
their wishes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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