So he strolled up towards the villa. He had nearly reached it, when
a woman ran past him making the most extraordinary sounds: I can only
describe it as screaming under her breath. Though he only saw her back,
he recognised Mrs. Maxley. One back differeth from another, whatever
you may have been told to the contrary in novels and plays. He called
to her: she took no notice, and darted wildly through the gate of Albion
Villa. Alfred's curiosity was excited, and he ventured to put his head
over the gate. But Mrs. Maxley had disappeared.
Alfred had half a mind to go in and inquire if anything was the matter:
it would be a good excuse.
While he hesitated, the dining-room window was thrown violently up, and
Sampson looked out. “Hy! Hardie! my good fellow! for Heaven's sake a
fly, and a fast one!”
It was plain something very serious had occurred: so Alfred flew towards
the nearest fly-stand. On the way, he fell in with a chance fly drawn up
at a public-house; he jumped on the box and drove rapidly towards Albion
Villa. Sampson was hobbling to meet him--he had sprained his ankle or
would not have asked for a conveyance--to save time he got up beside
Alfred, and told him to drive hard to Little Friar Street. On the way he
explained hurriedly: Mrs. Maxley had burst in on him at Albion Villa to
say her husband was dying in torment: and indeed the symptoms she
gave were alarming, and, if correct, looked very like lockjaw. But her
description had been cut short by a severe attack, which choked her and
turned her speechless and motionless, and white to the very lips.
“'Oho,' sis I, 'brist-pang!' And at such a time, ye know. But these
women are as unseasonable as they are unreasonable. Now, angina pictoris
or brist-pang is not curable through the lungs, nor the stomick, nor the
liver, nor the stays, nor the saucepan, as the bunglintinkerindox of the
schools pretind, but only through that mighty mainspring the Brain; and
instid of going meandering to the Brain round by the stomick, and so
giving the wumman lots o' time to die first, which is the scholastic
practice, I wint at the Brain direct, took a puff o' chlorofm put m' arm
round her neck, laid her back in a chair--she didn't struggle, for, when
this disorrder grips ye, ye cant move hand nor foot--and had my lady
into the land of Nod in half a minute; thin off t' her husband; so
here's th' Healer between two stools--spare the whipcord, spoil the
knacker!--it would be a good joke if I was to lose both pashints for
want of a little unbeequity, wouldn't it--Lash the lazy vagabin!--Not
that I care: what interest have I in their lives? they never pay: but ye
see custom's second nature; an d'Ive formed a vile habit; I've got to
be a Healer among the killers: an d'a Triton among--the millers. Here we
are at last, Hiven be praised.” And he hopped into the house faster than
most people can run on a good errand. Alfred flung the reins to a cad
and followed him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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