Harper's New Monthly Magazine, No. VII, December 1850, Vol. IIVarious
General
Harper's New Monthly Magazine, No. VII, December 1850, Vol. II
Various
American literature -- Periodicals; Civilization -- Periodicals; Culture -- Periodicals
father became completely imbecile, and at the same time we lost nearly
the whole of our little property. I have succeeded in concealing this
loss from my parents; making money for their support by selling my
embroidery. I have no one to speak to since my sister's death; I love
books, but I have no time for reading--I must work. It is only on Sunday
that I breathe the fresh air; and I do not walk far, as I am alone. Some
years since, when I was very young, I used to dream while I sat in this
window. I peopled the solitude with a thousand visions which brightened
the dark hours. Now a sort of numbness has fallen on my thoughts--I
dream no more. While I was young, I used to hope for some change in my
destiny; now I am twenty-nine years old, and sorrow has chastened my
spirit: I no longer hope or fear. In this place I shall finish my lonely
days. Do not think that I have found resignation without a conflict.
There were times when my heart revolted at living without being loved,
but I thought of Martha's gentle words, 'We shall meet again, sister!'
and I found peace. Now I often pray--I seldom weep. And you, madam--are
you happy?"
I did not answer this question of Ursula's. Speaking to her of happiness
would be like talking of an ungrateful friend to one whom he has
deserted.
Some months afterward, on a fine autumn morning, as I was preparing to
go to Ursula, I received a visit from a young officer who had lately
joined the garrison. He was the son of an old friend of my husband's,
and we both felt a lively interest in his welfare. Seeing me prepared
for a walk, he offered his arm, and we proceeded toward the dwelling of
Ursula. I chanced to speak of her; and as the young officer, whom I
shall call Maurice d'Erval, seemed to take an interest in her story, I
related it to him as we walked slowly along. When we reached the old
gray house he looked at her with pity and respect, saluted her, and
withdrew. Ursula, startled at the presence of a stranger, blushed
slightly. At that moment she looked almost beautiful. I know not what
vague ideas crossed my brain, but I looked at her, and then, without
speaking, I drew the rich bands of her hair into a more becoming form, I
took a narrow black velvet collar off my own neck, and passed it round
hers, and I arranged a few brilliant flowers in her girdle. Ursula
smiled without understanding why I did so: her smile always pained
me--there is nothing more sad than the smile of the unhappy. They seem
to smile for others, not for themselves. Many days passed without my
seeing Maurice d'Erval, and many more before chance led us together near
the old gray house.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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