"Ah, boys, it won't do" (the major looked smilingly through his glass), "it was really too bad." "Out with it, major," and after as much refusing and urging as would seat half the girls in New York at the piano, the old gentleman opened: "It's too bad, boys; it was the most cutting, sarcastic thing that perhaps ever was heard. You see, I was stationed at Uxbridge; you know Uxbridge, p'raps--situated on a hill. I was captain, then; young and foolish--very foolish. I wrote poetry. I couldn't do it now. I never have since; I wish I hadn't _then_. For, do you see, it was the most cruel, cutting thing--" The major emptied his glass. "Go on, major," said Ned, filling for him again. "Ah, boys--sad work--it cut him down. I was young, as I said--stationed at Uxbridge--only a captain then, and wrote poetry. It was there the thing happened. It's not modest to say it, but really, a more cutting thing--fill up your glasses, my boys. "I became acquainted with a family of the name of Porter--friends of the colonel; pray remember the name--Porter. There was a daughter, Miss Porter. Keep the name in mind, if you please. Uxbridge, as you know, is situated on a hill. About fifteen miles away was stationed another regiment. Now, a young officer of this regiment was very attentive to Miss Porter; don't forget the name, I beg of you. "He was only a lieutenant, a second son--nothing but his pay to live on; and the old people did not fancy his attentions, being, as I said, second son, lieutenant; which was very sensible in them. "They gave him a hint or two, which he didn't take. Finally they applied to me, Captain M'Gowd, at that time, begging me to use my influence in the matter. I had not the pleasure of acquaintance with the lieutenant; though, apart from his being second son, lieutenant, small pay, &c., I knew nothing in the world against the poor fellow. "The more's the pity, boys; as I had no right to address him directly on the subject, I determined to hit him off in a few lines of poetry--those fatal, sarcastic lines!" sighed the major, finishing his glass. "I had the reputation of being witty, and a poet; and though I say it myself--was uncommonly severe. "They commenced in this way," (the major threw himself into attitude.) "The other day to Uxbridge town-- "You recollect the circumstance--I was at Uxbridge--young and foolish--had made the acquaintance of the Porters (remember the name)--young lieutenant was attentive to Miss Porter (lively girl was Mary Jane); poor, second son, not agreeable to old people, who, as I told you, called on me to settle the matter. So I wrote the lines--terribly sarcastic: "The other day to Uxbridge town-- now you're coming to it-- "A major (he was lieutenant, you know) of dragoons (he was in the infantry) came down (Uxbridge is on a hill). It was a very sarcastic thing, you see. "The other day to Uxbridge town A major of dragoons came down-- now for the point, my boys,