Harper's New Monthly Magazine, Vol. 3, No. 15, August, 1851Various
General
Harper's New Monthly Magazine, Vol. 3, No. 15, August, 1851
Various
American literature -- Periodicals; Civilization -- Periodicals; Culture -- Periodicals
But it was not to be. Our story followed us. We began to perceive, after
a little time, that we were observed and noticed, and that people used
to turn and look after us. This was the first hint we received of what
was now becoming rather an alarming fact to us--that we were known. To
be known with us, was to be shunned, or impertinently gazed at, as if we
were either great criminals, or notorieties of no very respectable
order. At last, it became difficult for us to walk about, from the
universality of the notice we attracted; and at the hotel there was no
possibility of mistaking the nature of the curiosity, not of the most
respectful kind, which tracked us up the stairs and down the stairs, and
penetrated even to our rooms, in the person of a sinister-looking
waiter, who had the oddest conceivable way of looking at us out of the
corner of one eye, which he pursed up and concentrated into a focus
expressly for the purpose. This sort of persecution was wearing us out.
It was like water dropped, drop by drop, upon a stone. The whisper of
shame came after us wherever we went. There was no escaping it; and I
began to suspect that there must be some mark upon us by which we were
known and detected. I believe there is more truth in this than most
people imagine. The habit of evasion and reserve, the apprehension of
being watched, and the secret consciousness of having something to
conceal, doubtless give an expression to one's entire action and
physiognomy which is likely to suggest unfavorable speculations. The
world is apt to think ill of the man who does not look it straight in
the face; and, upon the whole, perhaps the world is right.
This doom pursued us wherever we went. We tried two or three other
places on the coast with the same result. Within a week we were sure to
be found out, and avoided or gazed at. The sight of human beings
enjoying themselves, and the right of looking on at them, were dearly
purchased at such a price as this. Our spirits were beginning to give
way under it; our nerves were so affected by the minute persecution
which we daily endured, that when we got into strange quarters, where we
were as yet unknown, we fancied that all eyes were upon us. A little
more of this sort of racking suspicion, mixed with fear and rage, and I
think I should have gone mad.
Astræa bore it more heroically. She was tolerably calm, and used to
smile while I was glowing over with anger. I frequently felt inclined to
rush upon some of the people who stared at us, and demand of them what
they meant; but Astræa always checked me, and reminded me, that in these
small watering-places scandal was the entire occupation--that the
visitors had, in fact, nothing else to do all day long; and that if
every person who was tormented by their vicious curiosity were to
indulge in resentment, three-fourths of the time of the community would
be wasted in endeavoring to patch up the reputations that had been torn
to bits in the remaining fourth.
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