Harper's New Monthly Magazine, Vol. II, No. X., March 1851Various
General
Harper's New Monthly Magazine, Vol. II, No. X., March 1851
Various
American literature -- Periodicals; Civilization -- Periodicals; Culture -- Periodicals
This intimacy did not redound to the prosperity or reputation of the
convivial allies. Bob Martin drank a good deal more punch than was good
for his health, or consistent with the character of an ecclesiastical
functionary. Philip Slaney, too, was drawn into similar indulgences, for
it was hard to resist the genial seductions of his gifted companion; and
as he was obliged to pay for both, his purse was believed to have
suffered even more than his head and liver.
Be this as it may, Bob Martin had the credit of having made a drunkard
of "black Phil Slaney"--for by this cognomen was he distinguished; and
Phil Slaney had also the reputation of having made the sexton, if
possible, a "bigger bliggard" than ever. Under these circumstances, the
accounts of the concern opposite the turnpike became somewhat entangled;
and it came to pass one drowsy summer morning, the weather being at once
sultry and cloudy, that Phil Slaney went into a small back parlor, where
he kept his books, and which commanded, through its dirty window-panes,
a full view of a dead wall, and having bolted the door, he took a loaded
pistol, and clapping the muzzle in his mouth, blew the upper part of his
skull through the ceiling.
This horrid catastrophe shocked Bob Martin extremely; and partly on this
account, and partly because having been, on several late occasions,
found at night in a state of abstraction, bordering on insensibility,
upon the high road, he had been threatened with dismissal; and, as some
said, partly also because of the difficulty of finding any body to
"treat" him as poor Phil Slaney used to do, he for a time forswore
alcohol in all its combinations, and became an eminent example of
temperance and sobriety.
Bob observed his good resolutions, greatly to the comfort of his wife,
and the edification of the neighborhood, with tolerable punctuality. He
was seldom tipsy, and never drunk, and was greeted by the better part of
society with all the honors of the prodigal son.
Now it happened, about a year after the grisly event we have mentioned,
that the curate having received, by the post, due notice of a funeral to
be consummated in the church-yard of Chapelizod, with certain
instructions respecting the site of the grave, dispatched a summons for
Bob Martin, with a view to communicate to that functionary these
official details.
It was a lowering autumn night: piles of lurid thunder-clouds, slowly
rising from the earth, had loaded the sky with a solemn and boding
canopy of storm. The growl of the distant thunder was heard afar off
upon the dull, still air, and all nature seemed, as it were, hushed and
cowering under the oppressive influence of the approaching tempest.
It was past nine o'clock when Bob, putting on his official coat of seedy
black, prepared to attend his professional superior.
"Bobby, darlin'," said his wife, before she delivered the hat she held
in her hand to his keeping, "sure you won't, Bobby, darlin'--you
won't--you know what."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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