Harper's New Monthly Magazine, Vol III, No 13, 1851Various
General
Harper's New Monthly Magazine, Vol III, No 13, 1851
Various
American literature -- Periodicals; Civilization -- Periodicals; Culture -- Periodicals
This was not said in a tone of reproach, but it sounded like reproach,
and wounded me. It was all true. I ought to have understood that
suffering of her soul which, now that the clouds were rolling back from
before my eyes, had become all at once intelligible. But to be surprised
into such a discovery, to have misunderstood her unspoken agonies and
sacrifices, jarred upon me, and made me feel as if my nature were not
lofty enough to comprehend, by its own unassisted sympathies, the
grandeur of her character. I imagined myself humiliated in her presence,
and this consideration was paramount, for the moment, over all others.
It stripped my devotion of all claim to a heroism kindred to her own,
and deprived me of the only merit that could render me worthy of her
love. Yet in the midst of this conflict, other thoughts came flooding
upon me; and voices from the world I was about to relinquish for her
rung like a knell upon my ears. There were still explanations to come
that might afford me some refuge from these tortures.
"Yes, Astræa, I was conscious of some obstruction; but how could I
divine what it was? Even now I must confess myself bewildered. But as
all necessity for further reserve is at an end, you will be candid and
explicit with me. What is the impediment that stands in the way of our
union?"
I did not intend it, but I was aware, while I was speaking, that there
was ice in my voice, and that the words issued from my lips as if they
were frozen.
"You mean," she replied, coldly, but in a tone that conveyed a feeling
of rising scorn, "you mean our marriage?"
"Certainly."
"I never can be your wife."
As I had anticipated some such statement, I ought not to have betrayed
the amazement with which I looked at her; but it was involuntary. I did
not ask her to go on; seeing, however, that I expected it, she added,
"I am the wife of another!"
I started from my seat, and, in a paroxysm of frenzy, paced up and down
before her. I did not exclaim aloud, "You have deceived me!" but my
flashing eyes and flushed brow expressed it more eloquently than
language. She bore this in silence for a few minutes, and then addressed
me again,
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