Having one day a violent argument with a country schoolmaster on some classical subject, the pedagogue, who had the worst of it, said, in a towering passion, that he would lose no more time, and must go back to his scholars. "Do, my dear doctor," said Curran, "but _don't indorse my sins upon their backs_." Curran was told that a very stingy and slovenly barrister had started for the Continent with a shirt and a guinea: "He'll not change either till he comes back," said he. It was well known that Curran entertained a dislike and a contempt for Downes. "Bushe," said he, "came up to me one day with a very knowing look, and said, 'Do you know, Curran, I have just left the pleasantest fellow I ever met?' 'Indeed! who is he?' 'The chief justice,' was the answer. My reply was compendious and witty. I looked into his eye, and said '_hum_.' It required all his oil to keep his countenance smooth." A very stupid foreman once asked a judge how they were to ignore a bill. "Why, sir," said Curran, "when you mean to find a _true_ one, just write _Ignoramus_ for self and fellows on the back of it." A gentleman just called to the bar took up a pauper case. It was remarked upon. "The man's right," said Curran; "a barber begins on a beggar, that when he arrives at the dignity he may know how to shave a duchess." He was just rising to cross-examine a witness before a judge who could not comprehend any jest that was not written in _black letter_. Before he said a single word, the witness began to laugh. "What are you laughing at, friend--what are you laughing at? Let me tell you that a laugh without a joke is like--is like--" "Like what, Mr. Curran?" asked the judge, imagining he was nonplused. "Just exactly, my lord, like a _contingent remainder_ without any particular _estate_ to support it." I am afraid that none but my legal readers will understand the admirable felicity of the similitude, but it was quite to his lordship's fancy, and rivaled with him all "the wit that Rabelais ever scattered." Examining a country squire who disputed a collier's bill: "Did he not give you the _coals_, friend?" "He did, sir, but--" "But what? On your oath, wasn't your payments _slack_?" It was thus that, in some way or other, he contrived to throw the witnesses off their centre, and he took care they seldom should recover it. "My lard, my lard!" vociferated a peasant witness, writhing under this mental excruciation, "I can't answer yon little gentleman, _he's putting me in such a doldrum_." "A doldrum! Mr. Curran, what does he mean by a doldrum!" exclaimed Lord Avonmore. "Oh! my lord, it's a very common complaint with persons of this description: it's merely a _confusion of the head arising from the corruption of the heart_."