Harper's New Monthly Magazine, Vol. V, No. XXV, June, 1852Various
General
Harper's New Monthly Magazine, Vol. V, No. XXV, June, 1852
Various
American literature -- Periodicals; Civilization -- Periodicals; Culture -- Periodicals
"By my soul!" exclaimed Mr. Boythorn, suddenly firing another volley,
"that fellow is, and his father was, and his grandfather was, the
most stiff-necked, arrogant, imbecile, pig-headed numskull, ever, by
some inexplicable mistake of Nature, born in any station of life but
a walking-stick's! The whole of that family are the most solemnly
conceited and consummate blockheads!--But it's no matter; he should not
shut up my path, if he were fifty baronets melted into one, and living
in a hundred Chesney Wolds, one within another, like the ivory balls in
a Chinese carving. The fellow, by his agent, or secretary, or somebody,
writes to me, 'Sir Leicester Dedlock, Baronet, presents his compliments
to Mr. Lawrence Boythorn, and has to call his attention to the fact
that the green pathway by the old parsonage-house now the property of
Mr. Lawrence Boythorn, is Sir Leicester's right of way, being in fact
a portion of the park of Chesney Wold; and that Sir Leicester finds it
convenient to close up the same.' I write to the fellow, 'Mr. Lawrence
Boythorn presents his compliments to Sir Leicester Dedlock, Baronet,
and has to call his attention to the fact that he totally denies the
whole of Sir Leicester Dedlock's positions on every possible subject,
and has to add, in reference to closing up the pathway, that he will
be glad to see the man who may undertake to do it.' The fellow sends
a most abandoned villain with one eye, to construct a gateway. I play
upon that execrable scoundrel with a fire-engine, until the breath is
nearly driven out of his body. The fellow erects a gate in the night. I
chop it down and burn it in the morning. He sends his myrmidons to come
over the fence, and pass and repass. I catch them in humane man-traps,
fire split peas at their legs, play upon them with the engine--resolve
to free mankind from the insupportable burden of the existence of those
lurking ruffians. He brings actions for trespass; I bring actions for
trespass. He brings actions for assault and battery; I defend them, and
continue to assault and batter. Ha, ha, ha!"
To hear him say all this with unimaginable energy, one might have
thought him the angriest of mankind. To see him, at the very same time,
looking at the bird now perched upon his thumb, and softly smoothing
its feathers with his forefinger, one might have thought him the
gentlest. To hear him laugh, and see the broad good-nature of his face
then, one might have supposed that he had not a care in the world, or a
dispute, or a dislike, but that his whole existence was a summer joke.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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