College stories; College students -- Fiction; Harvard University -- Fiction; Short stories, American
to the examination questions, without perhaps knowing it himself. This,
practically, was the tone he had meant to adopt all along. But he
couldn’t be sure, and, unfortunately, the only person who could give
information as to what was or wasn’t in the book, was Prescott. But
Prescott had given information of the most direct and convincing kind.
That astounded look and impertinent laugh had as much as said:--
“Well, old swipe, what’s your little game? What do you expect to get by
giving a good mark to a man who wasn’t able to answer a single
question?” And Thorn knew it. At first he was alarmed at what he had
done. He could easily see how such a performance, if known, might stand
in the light of his reappointment to teach in the college, even if it
didn’t eject him at once. But before he returned to his room, after
walking miles, he scarcely knew where, fear had entirely given way to
shame,--an over-powering shame that actually made the man sick at his
stomach. It wasn’t as if he had committed a man’s fault in a world of
men where he would be comfortably judged and damned by a tribunal he
respected about as much as he respected himself. He had turned himself
inside out before the clear eyes of a lot of boys, whose dealings with
themselves and one another were like so many shafts of white light in an
unrefracting medium. He had let them know what a weak, characterless,
poor thing he was, by holding himself open to a bribe, showing himself
willing to exchange, for the leavings of their friendships, something he
was bound in honour to give only when earned, prostituting his
profession that they might continue to like him a little, tolerate his
presence among them. And he was one whom the college had honoured by
judging worthy to stand up before young men and teach them. It was
really very sickening.
Thorn couldn’t bring himself to go near the club for some days. He knew,
however, as well as if he had been present, what had probably happened
there in the meanwhile. Prescott had told Haydock and Wolcott, and very
likely some of the others, the story of his examination. They had
laughed at first, as if it had been a good joke in which Prescott had
come out decidedly ahead; then Haydock had said something--Thorn could
hear him saying it--that put the matter in a pitilessly true light, and
the others had agreed with him. They usually did in the end. It took all
the “nerve” Thorn had to show himself again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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