"Now you've done it," he said. "You'd better go, old lady, and leave me
to finish what I've got to do."
"It's late for work, Jem," she answered. "You oughtn't to try yourself
so much."
"It ain't work so much," he said, "as thinking. There's summat I've got
to think out."
For the moment he seemed quite to forget her. He stood with his hands
thrust into his pockets and his feet apart, staring at the carpet. He
did not stir when she moved away, and was still standing so when she
turned at the door to look at him.
What she saw brought her back, hurried and tearful.
"Let me stay!" she cried. "Let me stay. There's trouble in your face,
Jem, for I see it. Don't keep it from me--for the sake of what we've
been through together in times that's past."
He bestirred himself and looked up at her.
"Trouble!" he repeated. "That's not the word. It's not trouble, old
lady, and it's naught that can be helped. There's me and it to fight it
out. Go and get your sleep and leave us to it."
She went slowly and sadly. She always obeyed him, whatever his wish
might be.
When the last sound of her faltering feet had died away upon the stairs,
he went to the side-board and poured out a glass of raw brandy and drank
it.
"I want summat to steady me," he said,--"and to warm me."
But it did not steady him, at least. When he sat down at the table, the
hand he laid upon it shook.
He looked at it curiously, clinching and unclinching it.
"I'm pretty well done for when it goes like that," he said. "I'm farther
gone than I thought. It's all over me--over and through me. I'm shaking
like a fool."
He broke out with a torrent of curses.
"Is it me that's sitting here," he cried, "or some other chap? Is it me
that luck's gone agen on every side or a chap that's useder to it?"
Among all his pangs of humiliation and baffled passion there was not one
so subtle and terrible in its influence upon him as his momentary sense
of physical weakness. He understood it less than all the rest, and raged
against it more. His body had never failed him once, and now for the
first time he felt that its power faltered. He was faint and cold, and
trembled not merely from excitement but from loss of strength.
Opposite to him, at the other side of the room, was a full-length
mirror. Accidentally raising his eyes toward it he caught sight of his
own face. He started back and unconsciously glanced behind him.
"Who----!" he began.
And then he stopped, knowing the face for his own--white-lipped, damp
with cold sweat, lined with harsh furrows--evil to see. He got up,
shaking his fist at it, crying out through his shut teeth.
"Blast her!" he said. "Who's to blame but her?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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