Family life -- Fiction; Farm life -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction
"There, be still! You mustn't speak of such things, or talk to me
about Mr. Holcroft in such a way," and she hastily left the kitchen.
When in the solitude of her own room, she gave way to bitter tears. "Is
it so plain," she thought, "that even this ignorant child sees it? And
the unhappy change began the day she came, too. I can't understand it.
We were so happy before; and he seemed to enjoy being near me and
talking to me when his work permitted. He used to look into my eyes in
a way that made me hope and, indeed, feel almost sure. I receive no
more such looks; he seems only trying to do his duty by me as he
promised at first, and acts as if it were all duty, a mere matter of
conscience. Could he have discovered how I felt, and so is taking this
way to remind me that nothing of the kind was in our agreement? Well,
I've no reason to complain; I accepted the relation of my own free
will, but it's hard, hard indeed for a woman who loves a man with her
whole heart and soul--and he her husband--to go on meeting him day
after day, yet act as if she were his mere business partner. But I
can't help myself; my very nature, as well as a sense of his rights,
prevents me from asking more or even showing that I wish for more.
That WOULD be asking for it. But can it be true that he is positively
learning to dislike me? To shrink from me with that strong repulsion
which women feel toward some men? Oh! If that is true, the case is
hopeless; it would kill me. Every effort to win him, even the most
delicate and unobtrusive, would only drive him farther away; the
deepest instincts of his soul would lead him to withdraw--to shun me.
If this is true, the time may come when, so far from my filling his
house with comfort, I shall make him dread to enter it. Oh, oh! My
only course is to remember just what I promised and he expected when he
married me, and live up to that."
Thus husband and wife reached the same, conclusion and were rendered
equally unhappy.
Chapter XXX.
Holcroft's Best Hope
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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