Family life -- Fiction; Farm life -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction
For several days Alida's reason wavered. The nervous shock of her sad
experiences had been so great that it did not seem at all improbable
that she, like the insane mother, might be haunted for the rest of her
life by an overwhelming impression of something lost. In her morbid,
shaken mind she confounded the wrong she had received with guilt on her
own part. Eventually, she grew calmer and more sensible. Although her
conscience acquitted her of intentional evil, nothing could remove the
deep-rooted conviction that she was shamed beyond hope of remedy. For
a time she was unable to rally from nervous prostration; meanwhile, her
mind was preternaturally active, presenting every detail of the past
until she was often ready to cry aloud in her despair.
Tom Watterly took an unusual interest in her case and exhorted the
visiting physician to do his best for her. She finally began to
improve, and with the first return of strength sought to do something
with her feeble hands. The bread of charity was not sweet.
Although the place in which she lodged was clean, and the coarse,
unvarying fare abundant, she shrank shuddering, with each day's clearer
consciousness, from the majority of those about her. Phases of life of
which she had scarcely dreamed were the common topics of conversation.
In her mother she had learned to venerate gray hairs, and it was an
awful shock to learn that so many of the feeble creatures about her
were coarse, wicked, and evil-disposed. How could their withered lips
frame the words they spoke? How could they dwell on subjects that were
profanation, even to such wrecks of womanhood as themselves?
Moreover, they persecuted her by their curiosity. The good material in
her apparel had been examined and commented on; her wedding ring had
been seen and its absence soon noted, for Alida, after gaining the
power to recall the past fully, had thrown away the metal lie, feeling
that it was the last link in a chain binding her to a loathed and hated
relationship. Learning from their questions that the inmates of the
almshouse did not know her history, she refused to reveal it, thus
awakening endless surmises. Many histories were made for her, the
beldams vying with each other in constructing the worst one. Poor Alida
soon learned that there was public opinion even in an almshouse, and
that she was under its ban. In dreary despondency she thought,
"They've found out about me. If such creatures as these think I'm
hardly fit to speak to, how can I ever find work among good,
respectable people?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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