Stronger and stronger grew her unwillingness to face her son: she had
so thoroughly proved herself unfit to be trusted! She began to feel
towards him as she had sometimes felt toward her mother when she had
been naughty. She began to see that she could make her peace, with him
or with herself, only by acknowledging her weakness. Aided by her
misery, she had begun to perceive that she could not trust herself, and
ought to submit to be treated as the poor creature she was. She had
resented the idea that she could not keep herself from drink if she
pleased, for she knew she could; but she had not pleased! How could she
ever ask him to trust her again!
What further passed in her, I cannot tell. It is an unfailing surprise
when anyone, more especially anyone who has hitherto seemed without
strength of character, turns round and changes. The only thing Mrs.
Gordon then knew as helping her, was the strong hand of her son upon
her, and the consciousness that, had her husband lived, she could never
have given way as she had. But there was another help which is never
wanting where it can find an entrance; and now first she began to pray,
‘Lead me not into temptation.’
There was one excuse which David alone knew to make for her--that her
father was a hard drinker, and his father before him.
Doubtless, during all the period of her excesses, the soul of the woman
in her better moments had been ashamed to know her the thing she was.
It could not, when she was at her worst, comport with her idea of a
lady, poor as that idea was, to drink whisky till she did not know what
she did next. And when the sleeping woman God made, wakes up to see in
what a house she lives, she will soon grasp at besom and bucket, nor
cease her cleansing while spot is left on wall or ceiling or floor.
How the waking comes, who can tell! God knows what he wants us to do,
and what we can do, and how to help us. What I have to tell is that,
the next morning, Mrs. Gordon came down to breakfast, and finding her
son already seated at the table, came up behind him, without a word set
the bottle with the last glass of whisky in it before him, went to her
place at the table, gave him one sorrowful look, and sat down.
His heart understood, and answered with a throb of joy so great that he
knew it first as pain.
Neither spoke until breakfast was almost over. Then Francis said,
‘You’ve grown so much younger, mother, it is quite time you took to
riding again! I’ve been buying a horse for you. Remembering the sort of
pony you bought for me, I thought I should like to try whether I could
not please you with a horse of my buying.’
‘Silly boy!’ she returned, with a rather pitiful laugh, ‘do you suppose
at my age I’m going to make a fool of myself on horseback? You forget
I’m an old woman!’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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