"Uncle John, when will you be president?" Tayna had asked him that one
night, and he smiled as in fancy he felt her arms again about his neck,
her bare feet cuddling in his lap. The thought roused him. He was not
surrendering all ambition when he surrendered a stage ambition. He was
a man of greatly increased ability now as compared with then. Surely a
man was pretty poor stuff if, having been defeated in one desire through
no fault of his own, he could not carve out another niche for himself
somewhere in the wide hall of achievement. John stooped and recovered
the crumpled square of yellow, smoothed its wrinkles reverently, and
fastened it again and more securely upon the wall above him.
* * * * *
That night John Hampstead went to the theater as usual, but entered the
dressing room like a man going into the presence of his dead.
Throughout the performance he made his entrances and exits solemnly.
The play for this, his final week, was _Hamlet_, and John’s part was the
King. Every night as the Prince of Denmark killed him with a rapier
thrust, John enacted that spectacular and traditional fall by which,
since time forgotten, all Kings in _Hamlet_ go toppling to the floor,
where they die with one foot upraised upon the bottom-most step of the
throne, as if reluctant even in death to give up the perquisites and
preeminence of royalty. So hour by hour John felt that he was killing
the King in his soul, but the King died reluctantly, always with one
foot on the throne.
The last night came, and the last hour. Methodically the man assembled
his make-up materials, his grease paints, his hare’s feet, and the beard
he had himself fashioned for the King to wear, and put them away, with
their sweetish, unmistakable odor, in the old cigar box, to be treasured
henceforth like sacred things, symbols of a great ambition which had
stirred a young man’s breast, and remembrances of the greatest sacrifice
it seemed possible aspiring youth could be called upon to make.
But no one was to know that it was a sacrifice; not Rose, not Dick nor
Tayna even. They were to think he did it happily and because "The
stage—the stage life, you know! Well, probably there are better ways
for a man to spend his energies."
But, really, in his heart of hearts, Hampstead knew he would love the
drama always. He owed it a debt that he could never repay, and some day
when he had achieved a brilliant success in another walk of life—when
Dick and Tayna were grown and far away perhaps—he would take out the old
cigar box and gather his children around him, if he should have
children, and tell them the story of his first divinest ambition as one
tells the story of one’s first love; and of the great sacrifice he had
made in the cause of duty, fingering the while these crumbling things as
one caresses a lock of hair of the long departed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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