encouragement. Eight or ten, chiefly corporals or sergeants,
come to my quarters Sunday and Wednesday nights for social
worship: but it does not appear that more than one are truly
converted. The commanding officer of the native battalion and
his lady, whom I mentioned in my last, are, I think,
increasingly serious--but the fear of man is their snare. Mrs.
Young says that, with Lydia to support her, she could face the
frown of the world. I had been looking forward with pleasure to
the time when she _would_ have such support, and rejoiced that
Lydia would have so sensible and hopeful a companion.
Dinapore: December, 1807.
My dear Cousin,--Your letter, after so long a silence, was a
great relief to me, as it assured me of your undiminished
affection; but I regretted you had been so sparing in your
consolations on the subject of my late disappointment. Remember,
it was to you I used to unbosom all my anxieties, and I still
look to you for that sympathising tenderness which no other
person perhaps feels for me, or at least can venture to express.
How every particular of our conversation in the journey from
Redruth to Plymouth Dock returns to my mind! I have reason
indeed to remember it--from that time I date my sorrows--we
talked too much about Lydia. Her last letter was to bid me a
final farewell, so I must not write to her without her
permission; she wished she might hear by you that I was happy. I
am therefore obliged to say that God has, according to her
prayer, kept me in peace, and indeed strengthened me unto all
patience and long-suffering with joyfulness. At first, like
Jonah, I was more grieved at the loss of my gourd than at the
sight of the many perishing Ninevehs all round me; but now my
earthly woes and earthly attachments seem to be absorbing in the
vast concern of communicating the Gospel to these nations. After
this last lesson from God on the vanity of creature love, I feel
desirous to be nothing, to have nothing, to ask for nothing, but
what He gives. So remarkably and so repeatedly has He baffled my
schemes of earthly comfort that I am forced at last to believe
His determination to be, that I should live in every sense a
stranger and pilgrim on the earth. Lydia allows me not the most
distant prospect of ever seeing her; and if indeed the supposed
indelicacy of her coming out to me is an obstacle that cannot be
got over, it is likely indeed to be a lasting separation: for
when shall I ever see it lawful to leave my work here for three
years, when every hour is unspeakably precious? I am beginning
therefore to form my plans as a person in a state of celibacy,
and mean to trouble you no more on what I have been lately
writing about so much. However, let me be allowed to make one
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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