How could he cherish an illusion in the matter, he who knew so much?
He had made his choice deliberately under the spur of need; he had
foreseen its enormous penalties; he had foreseen the degradation that
was implied in the honors and emoluments that would accrue from its
exercise. Yet, now these things had come upon him, he smote his breast
and lifted up his voice in woe. Less than a week ago, in the freedom
of his penury, in the license of his failure, he had had the power to
spurn these lures. Yet in almost the next breath he had yielded to the
call of his ambition; and in his first walk upon the perilous path he
had elected to choose, he had shown an ease and lightness of motion
that were audacious, astonishing.
What was there to deplore? His triumph had been so patent as to win
the applause of the world. For the first time in his life money was
in his pocket. That woman of courage who had striven so heroically
for his welfare would meet with her reward. She would be enabled to
end her days at ease. In those somewhat unilluminated eyes Money had
always seemed to divide the place of honor with Duty. She would go to
her grave, this upright and courageous one, with a p an upon her lips,
because her son, her one talent, had in her old age been increased to
her tenfold. Those worn hands would need to toil no more.
After all, this success, which to an honest nature was so embittering,
had a curious virtue of its own if it could fulfil such an office.
And it was hardly for the like of himself to be troubled with these
intimations. Morality, like other privileges, was for those who could
afford to enjoy it; it was for those who had a snug little annuity in
the funds. Those who had shivered in penury, who had known the look of
want, had purchased their right to walk unfearingly by the light of
their necessity. And he had only parted with his dreams after all; he
had only transmuted airy nothings into explicit gold of the state. Let
the visionary who nourished his heart upon the unattainable despise
Crœsus as before, but let the well-fed and valiant materialist render
due homage to that lusty and pagan old fellow. You could not keep your
cake and eat it; you could not resign your ideals and yet hope to
inhabit your castle in Spain.
It always came back to the question of the Choice. Was it not a
sign-post that headed every path; did it not denote the convergence
and the parting of every road? It was his own will which had selected
the broad and muddy highway of the many, instead of the narrow and
precipitous mountain ascent which was only for the feet of the few.
In a choice of this kind there might be an affront to his nature, but
once having embraced it, it was weakness to repine. He must shed this
ferocious arrogance of his. He was now of the common herd, no longer of
the sacred few.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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