Henry Smeaton: A Jacobite Story of the Reign of George the First.James, G. P. R. (George Payne Rainsford)
General
Henry Smeaton: A Jacobite Story of the Reign of George the First.
James, G. P. R. (George Payne Rainsford)
Jacobite Rebellion, 1715 -- Fiction
"Why, my lord," he said, "how came your lordship to learn such a trade
as making pike-heads?"
"It came by nature and a little observation," replied the Earl. "You
see, dearly beloved Van Noost, I thought it just as well at one time
to travel; and I had a strong inclination to see more of the world
than the lords and ladies in it, which, after all, are like a sheaf of
arrows, all cut to one length and tricked out in the same manner. So I
put by my dignity for the time being, dressed myself up as a
blacksmith's boy, got a place with one of the dingy craft, and engaged
to blow the bellows."
Van Noost burst into a loud laugh, observing:
"You soon got tired of that, my Lord, I dare say?"
"Not I," rejoined Lord Wintoun. "I blew bellows and hammered iron for
two whole years, ate pumpkin soup, drank sour wine, and cooked my own
omelette for a treat on Sundays."
Van Noost laughed again, thinking he would rather not have partaken
his Lordship's fare; but Lord Wintoun went on, saying:
"Nay, more, I took many a buffet from the blacksmith's daughter, with
a patience which might have lessoned Job; and one time his wife would
have basted me with a broom, but I took up a red-hot horse-shoe and
threatened to set fire to her petticoats, though they were too short
in all conscience to suffer much curtailment decently. The good woman
laughed, like a merry soul as she was, and laid down the broom, while
I quenched the horse-shoe."
"Perhaps the daughter was the attraction," said Van Noost, slyly. "Did
she give nothing but buffets, my noble Lord?"
"Faith, nothing to me," replied Lord Wintoun; "and, as to attractions,
those which she had were more vast in extent than peculiar in power.
She was well nigh as big as her father; and, though she had two great
black eyes, they were not much better than one; for they drew to a
point so close towards her nose, that it was like a cross fire from
the angles of a fortress; and, if she saw anything at a distance, I am
sure it must have been reversed. Then her mouth! Heaven and earth, her
mouth! The very memory is painful. When it was shut even, it looked
like what we Scotchmen call a slit in a haggiss; and, when it was
open, it looked like the entrance of the bottomless pit. It could
never have been borne, had not the nose counterbalanced it."
Again Van Noost laughed heartily, exclaiming:
"The love! The joy! What happiness your Lordship must have had in her
dainty society!"
"Good faith, I have fared worse than I did there," said Lord Wintoun,
"and, I fear me, shall fare worse still. A man without a head is of no
use to himself or any one else, Master Van Noost; and I doubt that I
shall long have one upon my shoulders. How does yours feel? Is it
shaky?"
"Not very easy, my good Lord," replied Van Noost, in a dolorous tone.
"At times a certain sick qualm comes over my stomach, as if I had
eaten half-cooked pork. But does your Lordship really think the case
so bad?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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