Hey Rub-a-dub-dub: A Book of the Mystery and Wonder and Terror of LifeDreiser, Theodore
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Hey Rub-a-dub-dub: A Book of the Mystery and Wonder and Terror of Life
Dreiser, Theodore
American essays -- 20th century
In considering the validity of our ideas in regard to marriage we either
accept the current religionistic or moralistic theory, or we do not. For
those who do there is no problem: they must accept their chains and
slavery, if so they find marriage to be, and make a virtue of their
sufferings. For those who do not there is the agonizing problem of the
need of an equation in the matter of change. Somewhere they must draw
the line, or necessity, increasing age, the difficulty of living in a
moving-van, will fix the line for them. Again, there is a limit to any
individual’s capacity for change, however kaleidoscopic that may be.
After all, any individual, male or female, however attractive, is but
single in quantity, and the choice offered to either of a suitable
helpmate or companion is not so very large. One may be forever lowering
a hook into the water, but not all the fishes in the sea may take it
even if they would. Solomon may have had three hundred wives and seven
hundred concubines, but it can scarcely be said that he needed them or
that they got much out of it; and while it is conceivable that a man or
woman in swift kaleidoscopic search, and devoting him or herself
strictly to the task in hand, might enjoy as many as a thousand or so of
the opposite sex in the course of a lifetime, it can scarcely be
considered valuable from the point of view of public policy and little
less than difficult and, as it would seem to one at least, profitless
from the point of view of the individual himself.
On the other hand there enters into the matter the very serious problem
suggested by question IV, which I will include and touch on here for a
moment only: “Are the children of any union better served by successive
marriages than by a home where parents are held together, even though
not by love but rather by a sense of duty to their children?” Obviously,
Nature intended marriage for the reproduction and care of children, but
I beg to call attention to the fact that Nature, or God, or the biologic
process, or what you will, is no better planner or executor of any given
theory or scheme it may have in mind than man himself. If this were not
true there would be no physically imperfect men or women. The student of
the pathology of sex, as well as of the sources of life itself, is
confronted by a thousand variations from that happy norm on which the
moralistic marriage must be based. Nature has not provided all its
creatures with the capacity for a happy marriage. Plainly, it has cursed
or endowed many of them with strange and horrible vices, with vast and
self-torturing passions, with immeasurable longings and desires, which
unfit them for the proper fulfillment of the monogamic conception of the
perfect marriage, hence of the care of the ensuing children. What then
is to be done? Who is to blame--Nature or man? And if Nature is to
blame, or God, cannot we charge the presumed misery of the children up
to Him also?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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