"Mr. President, how do you du, and how are all the folks tu hum, about these times, all purty smart I s'pose?" With that I worked away at the old chap's hand, with both mine, as if I'd made up my mind tu pump an office out of him, afore I let go. "Wal," sez I, "Captin, I hope you mean to stay in York a spell, now you've got here; some harnsome gals about these diggings jest now, rale sneezers in the way of beauty--you haint no idee of that sort, nor nothing have you?" sez I, a giving him a slantindicular squint from one eye, and a leetle punch in the ribs with the tip eend of my finger, "no you haint now." The captin he larfed, and sez he, "Oh no, I'm only making a little unpremeditated tour a--" "Jest so," sez I, "an _accidental_ visit." The captin gin me a squint across his nose, and then I made him a low bow, and sez I, "Jest so, but the folks seem tu be rather tickled with sich accidents, don't they?" This seemed to kinder mollify the captin, and jest as I was a spreading myself for a new speech, a feller cum up with a great red and green and white rosy, pinned on to his coat, and he whispered tu the President, and the President looked round tu me, and sez he, "Mr. Slick, they tell me that the collation is ready--will you go with me into the ladies' cabin, and lead down one of my fair friends?" I made him a prime bow--a rale darnsing school smasher--and, sez I, "Wal now, I don't know what kind of horned cattle a collation is, but seeing as it's you, I'll tackle in, if it's only tu git acquainted with a downright ginuine fair friend of your'n, captin, for folks say that your friends are purty darned _unfair_ in a gineral way." "Folks don't du me justice," sez he, a turning red in the gills; "No man ever had better or devoted friends on arth." "What there is on 'em," sez I. The captin didn't seem tu hear me, but he took out his chaw of terbacco and pitched it over the side of the boat. I dug both hands into my trousers' pockets, and sez I tu the man with the silk rosy, sez I-- "Come, now, I s'pose it's about time for you and I and the President to be a movin. Where du you keep that critter of your'n?" "What critter?" sez he. "Why, the collation?" sez I. "Down in the cabin," sez he. "Wal," sez I, "I hope the varmint is considerable tame; but come on, whose afeard!" With that, Captin Tyler and I and the old yaller chap, with a hull swad of fellers, some on 'em in training clothes, and some on 'em with cocked hats on, went into a leetle room fenced off from the deck, and there, jest as sartin as you live, were five or six wimmen folks, right in amongst all them men, like one clover top tu a hull hive of honey bees, a lookin as contented as git out. "Wal," think sez I, "If they ain't scared, I ain't." The President seemed to know 'em, for he put his arm right under mine so arnest, that he eenamost lifted my right hand out of my pocket; and, sez he,-- "Ladies, Mr. Slick, of the New York Press."